little footprints

#11 home away from home

2011-11-01T08:49:00.005-05:00

I have grown to love this town.
and a huge part is because it has become my home away from home.

It's true, I still get homesick for where I grew up and that comfort, but if I could call any other place home, it definitely is here in Nashville!

What makes it home?
Lots of different factors. I think the biggest one recently for me are Sundays. Sundays at the Hogan household in Virginia are typically spent with close friends and family watching football (with me always doing homework!).
This past Sunday instead of going anywhere to watch the Steelers game, I invited friends over to my house.
We watched football, I did homework, I baked delicious cookies, we laughed, we chatted, and had some good community time!
Those are the moments when I know this has become my home.
Those comfort moments.
Those joys of just being in the presence of good friends.

this is what makes it home.
And I love it :)

Here are my pumpkin white chocolate chip cookies that were devoured!!

and then the empty plate...

#10 clothing swap!

2011-10-21T14:28:00.002-05:00

Last night I attended my first ever clothing swap.

What is a clothing swap, you ask? Basically you get a bunch of girls together (well guys could do it too...but typically girls) and bring clothes/purses/shoes/scarves/whatever you don't want anymore. And what do you do with those items? Give them away! And in return, you get to 'shop' at the other girl's unwanted items. There are different ways to do it, but we all got together and went one by one through the items asking who wanted it...if there were mutual wants, then it was battled out by the girls (not really...we all really didn't care too much, it was a more of do I love this or like it). If you have a lot of people then you can set up rooms and basically shop around!

I absolutely love this idea, because you don't have to spend money! And you get rid of clothes that have been sitting in your closet.

What I came away with last night: (I should really post pics...maybe when I wear them!)
2 jackets
1 pair of jeans
3 skirts (2 of which are totally not my 'style' but trendy! I decided to branch out of my clothing comfort!)
3 shirts
1 pair of brown boots!

not too shabby, eh?!

I am hoping to host a clothing swap in a few weeks. Oh yes, I still can get rid of clothes! And can always use 'new' ones ;)

#9: welcome wooers

2011-10-13T08:33:00.003-05:00

After living in Nashville, I feel like everyone knows everyone...or at least you will find some random connection with whoever you meet. I love this! It is fun to play the "who do we mutually know" game, and a lot of times it works. It keeps things alive! I love going up to random people and striking conversations, and in Nashville it is totally welcomed! That goes with my personality of being a 'woo' (if you don't know what woo is, take the StrengthsFinder test!). Nashville is the perfect city for this personality...or I just like to think so because it's me! Probably overwhelming, but something I've learned is that I shouldn't worry about fitting the perfection of what others want to perceive me as, but rather focus on all God has me to be!

Nashville - thank you for satisfying my outgoing personality by giving me lots of people and opportunities to talk to, share life with, and be who God created me to be!

#8: grocery store encounters

2011-10-06T15:10:00.002-05:00

I went to the grocery store this morning. it was a typical grocery run and morning...well that's what I thought.

So as I am walking around Kroger, I head to the baking aisle (I mean, I love to bake, so why not!). I'm picking up my brownie and cake mixes and head to the chocolate chips. This woman was standing there as well and we got into a discussion about how the Kroger brand choc chips are not real and are made with chocolate liquor (who knew!) So we chit chatted about that and then she started to walk away and said something along the lines of "well you just look like such a great young housewife"

BAAAAAHHH. was my first inside reaction. I chuckled and said "Oh I'm definitely young, but nottt married!" She asked how old I was and as soon as I told her my age, she goes "that is how old my daughter would be, she passed away 3 years ago in a car accident". She got teary eyed and emotional and started to just share her heart with me. She told me that I reminded her of her daughter - full of life, trying to find the best deals, tiny framed, and smiling with joy. She proceeded to show me pictures - beautiful blonde haired blue eyed girl.

This woman then told me how comforting it is to know as a mother that your daughter is up in Heaven and that she lived a life after the Lord. OH and the best part was when she was telling me about the 5k that they have every year up at her college in Ohio and it's named after her daughter, Kelly. I immediately stopped her and said, "my name is Kelly". She just hugged me. Right there, in the middle of Kroger, I was hugging and crying with this strange woman. We talked for probably 20-25 minutes in the middle of the grocery store.

That moment was such a God thing...this woman spoke encouragement and truth into my life that I so needed to hear in amidst the craziness and stress of my life. At the same time, she needed someone to hear about her incredible daughter. The Lord truly brought us to the middle of the baking aisle this morning for a reason. And I was just so speechless and in awe of that encounter.

When we were walking away from each other, she said these final words "Continue to live your life, love it, and live it to the fullest finding all those blessings!"

Amen. Amen.

#7:jeni's ice cream

2011-10-05T08:51:00.004-05:00

If you have never been to Jeni's Ice Cream, you need to go. Oh myyy gooodness. It is delicious goodness in your mouth. I went out to dinner with a friend the other night and on our way to my car we see Jeni's...immediately we both are drawn in...because well, let's face it, we're girls...and it's ice cream! Who can resist!? Apparently Jeni's started in Ohio and other than Nashville is only in Ohio...so we feel special here in Nash! What makes Jeni's unique is the flavors. Anywhere from Reisling Poached Pear to Brown Butter Almond Brittle to Brambleberry Crisp to classics like mint, vanilla, chocolate. This experience was overwhelming to say the least at first. But the employees were super helpful and let us taste test...a lot...we had a bouquet of sample spoons. A little embarrassing, but we just had no clue where to start! I ended up getting Riesling Poached Pear mixed with Lemon Blueberry (with blueberries mixed in there!) and Shaylee got the Brown Butter Almond with Coffee (yummmm!).

We will DEFINITELY be going back there. Weekly dates for us :) Delicious food followed by delicious ice cream=yes please!

#6 the stars

2011-10-01T09:08:00.001-05:00

I can ACTUALLY see the stars here!!! Last night as I was pulling up to my house I just happened to look up and was just in awe of how many stars I saw...I couldn't believe it! I have seen the stars away from the city, closer to Franklin/Brentwood area but not 10 minutes from downtown!

to put this into perspective. whenever I am at my parent's house where I grew up (in northern va) I get excited if I see the big dipper...that is how light polluted that area is. so when I moved out west into more of...well the somewhat middle of nowhere...I get to see more stars!

I absolutely LOVE to star gaze and could just lay for hours looking up at the sky :) when I have done this in the past, that's when I have seen shooting stars! soooo awesome! I don't see the stars out tonight...but I know they'll be back :) and I know I'll be laying down watching them! there is always such a peace about stargazing...

I love Nashville because I can see the stars!!!

#5: the screaming girls

2011-09-29T08:45:00.004-05:00

No, I don't really like screaming girls...but it is what the reasoning for the screaming girls...well I don't really love that...but I love the spontaneity of the the screaming girls and my day yesterday.

So as I was sitting in Entertainment Publicity class, I was doodling and checking twitter (and listening to my professor of course!). Well one of my friends tweeted that Justin Bieber was in downtown Franklin (for those of you not around here, Franklin is right outside of Nashville and a fun/cute little town). Immediately I gasped and my class turned to me in wonder and I responded with "justin bieber is in Franklin!". They all either laughed, said "I heard!", freaked out with me, or rolled their eyes because this crazy college girl got excited about the Biebs. Apparently Selena Gomez was with him too, just shopping around. And they were to start filming for his christmas music video... Now to my though process. Well part of me was like umm I am just gonna drive down there and see if I get a glimpse, but then I knew it would be insaaaaane and I didn't want to go alone or miss church... I texted one of my small group girls that JB was in Franklin and she flippppped and said "let's go let's go!!!" I told her I didn't want to skip church, but at the same time this would be good bonding time for us. So drove from class, picked her up, and waited for a few hours until we saw him step off of that bus.

Here is downtown Franklin last night -->

The process of watching JB fans/waiting for him was pretty adventurous... I have never seen so many 'in love' girls with a celebrity. it is crazy, and sad in a way. One girl told me she would dieeeee if she didn't see him. I really just wanted to tell her about Jesus...while I think that JB is a good role model, I don't think he should be worshiped as he is...and that makes me sad. The security guard touched the bus and then touched the girls blocked off and they flipppped saying, "I touched Justin's bus!". I just laughed. And the screams..oh the shrill screams, kind of haunting. All in all, it was quite the experience. I am glad I went to watch some production, see Justin Bieber, and mostly observe all the crazy fans. Another reason why I liked yesterday is because it broke routine for me. Sometimes you just need that randomness to a day to make it that much better :)

So yes, check it off the bucket list. I have seen Justin Bieber live. He is as small as people say, and he seemed nice from a far - I mean he smiled at us! haha. I wonder what goes on in his head...

P.S - back in February I took a few of my girls to go see the movie...that is when I approved of him. Here's a pic from that :)

#4: coffee shops

2011-09-27T08:28:00.002-05:00

I have to have a post to just the coffee shops in Nashville. I love them. And don't go to them nearly enough...but nonetheless love em!

Not only do they have fabulous coffee that could be locally roasted at some places, but the atmosphere at these coffee shops are so fun and inviting! My favorite is Edgehille Cafe - this summer I would go and sit and read. This cafe is decorated with urban-y decor that i would love to have in my house. I just love going and sitting/relaxing while sipping some coffee, listening to music...people watching...journaling. so wonderful!

Another favorite is Frothy Monkey off of 12th south. Or Fido on 21st, Ugly Mugs, Crema (which I still have yet to go to!). Who needs Starbucks when you have these places?!

While I love going to coffee shops, I honestly haven't been in a while. Life has gotten pretty crazy with work and school...I think my goal for this week is to go to one of them for at least an hour...yep, that's my goal for the week!

#3: the people!

2011-09-23T09:08:00.002-05:00

So these first few posts are going to be pretty generic about Nashville and my love for it...I thought I would get the big obvious ones out of the way, then move into random reasons/more specifics of why I love this city!

So the people. Seriously, love them! This is a city with a small town feel...so basically you get the southern hospitality mixed in the city. Being a city girl myself, I grew up in the hustle and bustle known as metropolitan D.C. Love the city, but man the people are on a mission and on the go alllll the time! Going back to visit, I just feel stressed...

here in Nashville, it's different. I will have 20 minute conversations with people randomly at the grocery store, coffee shops, and even at work. People are so genuine and down to earth and want to know how you are doing, what's going on in your life, even what the Lord is doing! I love that. I love going out and almost always running into someone I know. I love being real and hearing the hearts of people I either know or have just met. That's another thing, you meet someone and typically get an instant connection/conversation.

Now this isn't true for everyone, I am sure, but this has just been my experience. I have sparked conversations with random strangers about football (especially when I see something Steelers), music, Pine Cove or Kanakuk, running, and whatever random things I can think of sometimes. It's great :) So people of Nashville - thank you!

Why I love Nashville #2: FSM

2011-09-22T16:18:00.004-05:00

What is FSM you ask? Why it is Fellowship Student Ministries. I volunteer at my church (Fellowship Bible Church) as a 242 (small group) leader and LOVE it! I started last fall with 9th grade girls and surprised them with a little photo shoot. -->

I have more girls this year (around 15) and I just love them! I love walking alongside them as they go through life and high school, all the drama, struggles, and growth. I'm not gonna lie, they wear me outtt! But I love it :)

In addition to my 242 girls, I have been able to be the 'adult' (ha I still laugh at that one) on a student led mini mission trip to Birmingham. We redid two rooms at a halfway home for women as well as fed the homeless. It was such a great trip just to see these highschool kids take leadership and serve their hearts out!

We also have weekend retreats, like Camp No Boys Allowed (um sooo fun!), that I go on. I love FSM because I am my crazy self. I love the kids that are there as well as the other leaders who have the same passion as me: to love and speak truth into the lives of highschoolers.

Through volunteering with FSM, I have noticed my passions and desires after I graduate have changed a bit...even though I am majoring in Recording Industry, I actually want to go back to school eventually to get a masters in counseling. Crazy, huh? The Lord has just placed a passion in my heart to love women who struggle, whether it be abuse, or eating disorders, or even relationships. I love the feeling I have when I leave youth group every Wednesday night, spent because I gave all the love I had to give, through the power and grace of Christ.

God has blessed me with the opportunity to serve and love on high school girls and I couldn't be happier.

Why I Love Nashville #1

2011-09-21T11:44:00.003-05:00

So my blog is going to be dedicated now to reasons why I love the great city of Nashville...where I live. There are just a lot of things I love about this city, and a lot of blessings that I just want to share!

Reason #1: the music scene

Nashville isn't known for being the music city for nothing! There is constantly concerts going on, and a lot of times free ones! Being a once-upon-a-time musician/songwriter, I just love the atmosphere that music brings a city. You can always find musicians hanging out in the 'cool' coffee shops and the vibe that creates is pretty fun to be around.

Since being in Nashville I have seen the following: Dave Barnes (multiple times), Steve Moakler (also multiple times), Matt Wertz, Amy Stroup, Trent Dabbs, Ben Rector, Needtobreathe, Amos Lee, Hanson, Jars of Clay, Derek Webb, Love & Theft, Taylor Swift (no, I did not pay for this concert), Natalie Grant, Montgomery Gentry, Gretchen Wilson, Brandon Heath, Andrew Belle, Darius Rucker, an

d whoever played at the Dove awards!

<---pic of me and Dave!

Now if this list doesn't make you wanna come to Nashville, then I dunno what will! Keep in mind that I probably haven't spent more than $100 on all of these concerts! Yeah...how awesome!

So come visit me, and I'm sure you'll be here around a time when we can go listen to some good music :)

Remember when

2011-09-10T12:42:00.005-05:00

So it has been 10 years.

10 years since our country was turned upside down.

10 years since that day when life as we know it would change.

forever.

I remember that day

the fear, the chaos, the unknown

I remember giving my dad the BIGGEST hug after he made it out safely from the Pentagon

I remember watching the news, hearing stories of friends and families

I remember our country joining together as one

I will forever remember where I was when I heard the news (7th grade lunch room)

I will always remember the pictures, the signs, the flag that was flown.

I will remember seeing the smoke.

I remember those who have given and lost their lives. Their sacrifice.

Most importantly, I will always remember that God is Sovereign.

And how blessed we are to live in a country filled with FREEDOM and men and women who fight daily for that.

I can't believe it has been 10 years...

why I love America!

2011-07-03T21:48:00.002-05:00

If you know me, you know that I am passionate about America. Yes, I LOVE America!!! In fact, my camp name at Pine Cove: Miss America :) A few stories about my love for America...

- A few years back me and some friends (Strahobis) were talking about characteristics we wanted in our future husband. Loving Jesus was a given, so my next criteria, why he has to love America as much as I do (yes I was and am completely serious)

- I sang the National Anthem A LOT in high school...soccer, lacrosse, basketball, baseball, track...all that. I was the girl who sang the National Anthem. some of my friends would sing the National Anthem when I walked in.

Now to WHY I love America.

For the longest time, I always thought that I just loved America and the military and all things dealing with patriotism. I mean, we are SO blessed to be living in this country, how can you not love it?! But then I really started thinking...what began this love?

I think back to 9/11...I remember that day like it was yesterday. I was in 7th grade and remember the moment I heard that the Pentagon was hit by a plane. My dad at the time worked at the Pentagon. Shock and fear is what I remember feeling before finding out that my dad was ok. The days after 9/11, I remember how everyone came together. We were one. I think that is when my love for America really boomed (if that makes sense). Just seeing friends and family love regardless of anything really brings a smile on my face.

But I think the deepest root to my love is my dad! I am a daddy's girl and will always be proud of my dad. He served in the Air Force for 20 years and I love how he put time into serving our country to keep our freedom. We are SO blessed here in America and I thank each and every person in the armed forces for it!

Anyways, people may make fun of me for my America love (it is hilar when I just shout I love America), but I thought it appropriate to explain the why behind the craziness.

God has blessed us with an incredible country filled with freedom.

So on this 4th, take a moment to just count your blessings. And while you are wearing that red white and blue and lighting off fireworks, remember why we are STILL here, living freely.

baptism CELEBRATION

2011-06-27T18:32:00.002-05:00

last night my church in Nashville had a baptism celebration. and celebration it WAS!!! Over 150 people got baptized, including an 83 year old woman!!! The entire night I couldn't help but smile in awestruck wonder at how incredible our God is! Now Fellowship (my church) has had baptisms before, but they decided to have one service this weekend specifically for the purpose of baptizing believers. I think that everyone was amazed at how the Spirit moved person after person to make this public proclamation!

I feel without words, because it truly was an experience in itself. So here's a link to the video, and a picture :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxgWQA-P33g

summer!

2011-06-22T09:45:00.003-05:00

who hasn't blogged in a while?! MEMEMEME!

I'm back. well for a few weeks at least before I head to kamp (yes, that is kamp spelled with a 'k'). I'm hoping to blog once a week while at kamp on my 2-4 time off to update with how the Lord is working in and through my life...so stay tuned!!

In the meantime. It is summer! And I am doing not a whole lot. I had 3 weddings in 2 weekends, so that was pretty crazy, but now it's relax time and prepare for kamp in a few weeks!

Today's agenda: go running (check)

read my Bible (check)

journal (check)

hang out with some high schoolers

call a friend I haven't talked to in a while

finish writing a song

I think this is a feasible agenda for the day. I'll let ya know if I accomplish the last 3! I'm sure surprises will occur throughout the day, but that's why I love summer!

outside looking in

2011-05-18T09:36:00.003-05:00

so yesterday while on my little run, I started thinking about being rescued and how we are all in need of rescue (that was the talk at church on Sunday). Anyways it got me thinking. we need rescue not because we are perfect, but because we are broken, bruised, dented, scratched, and all sorts of mess. It made me think of my car. I have a 2001 honda civic that has...well let's just say character :) there are scratches, and what gives it the most character is the huge dent on the side (i may have driven into something...). Before last week, the inside of my car was quite a mess and dirty-I had never gotten the interior clean since I purchased the car almost 2 years ago...needless to say it was in dyer need of a detailing job. I'll be honest, I would be embarrassed for friends to get into my car because I knew it was dirty and I didn't want the imperfection. While the inside of my car may be clean now, the dent and scratches on my car still remain. And remain they will (unless I want to spend hundreds of dollars to fix it), but I am no longer embarrassed to let people in the car or to see it.

So now back to life. So often, we as humans and especially Christians don't want people to see the inside of us...the imperfections...the dents, the bruises, but they are there! Christ encourages us to boast in these weaknesses, because it is through the weakness that we are made strong in Him. I know for me, I don't want people to see the deepest insides of me, afraid of what they might think. But in reality, we all are broken and in need of rescue. We all have those struggles and those bumps. It is through these that the Lord can truly move and work in our life. We shouldn't appear to be perfect, because we aren't! While it may be hard, sharing with those you trust your heart can bring about deeper relationship and a picture of what it means to be the body of Christ.

why detox?

2011-05-11T14:11:00.005-05:00

So starting this past monday, my roommates and I have started a raw detox. What does this consist of, you ask? Well simple. Basically it is cutting out all processed foods, caffeine, dairy, and meats. If you have heard of the Daniel diet, it is very similar to that. The hardest thing for me is cutting out coffee. boy do I loveeee coffee! here is a pic of our colorful fridge!

When I have mentioned this detox to people, they typically respond with, "why are you doing a detox diet? You don't need to lose weight". Correct, I don't need to lose weight, so that is not the reason I am doing this. I did this detox back in January and felt great after it, but since then I have obviously consumed so much stuff that isn't the best for my body...including caffeine. I really want to detox my body of all the crap that I have put in it. So what do we eat with the detox? Smoothies, Juices (a juicer is soo cool), vegetabl

es, salads, nuts (like almonds), quinoa, beans, and fruits.

here are a few of the recipes we have discovered:

the first is a Kale Smoothie:

1 banana

1 orange

a little almond milk

handful of kale

strawberries

another version could be this too:

1 banana

1 orange

handful of kale

some cantelope

1 apple

a little water

The perfect juice blend:

3 carrot sticks

1 celery

1 pear

1 apple

-it is DELISH!

and lastly, my favorite quinoa recipe:

cooked quinoa

chopped up red, yellow, orange peppers

chopped cilantro

chopped green onions (about 2 stalks of it)

(optional) mango

you mix all that together with the 'sauce'

2 squirts of honey

a little dab of olive oil

a few squirts of lime juice

sprinkled sea salt

put that all together and you have a yummy meal! put it on top of arugula if you want too.

Anyways, we are on day 3 of our detox and I'm feeling pretty good. i get a headache in the afternoon, but that is mixed with allergies and lack of caffeine. But my body feels great!

and here's a picture of our colorful fridge!

no agenda!

2011-05-07T11:23:00.002-05:00

this is the first time in probably 2 years where I have absolutely no agenda. no school, no work, nothing. and while i could easily look at that and be upset because i really have nothing to do, i am choosing to embrace it. i feel this sense of freedom and i'm loving doing whatever! when i have told some of my friends (who are in the workforce), they advise me to love this time. so that is what i am doing. loving my life and embracing each moment of relaxing.

so what do i do with no agenda?

well the past few days i have worked at a flower shop (delivering mother's day flowers!), laid out at my dear friend's pool, tie-dyed t-shirts (for kamp!), played this awesome game Ambassador (basically speed charades), gone for walks, watch friday night lights, baked. just lots of fun things to do here and there.

Life is too short to be anything but happy and joyful. So joyful I am, and loving life it will be! I'm just so grateful that the Lord has blessed me with this time, and with incredible friends that I can be myself around and enjoy life with as well. :)

new chapter

2011-05-02T18:39:00.002-05:00

I need to get back to blogging! Life has been crazy...and I'm finally wrapping up the semester (YAY!). In fact this past weekend I randomly ran another half marathon! crazzzzzy! But it was soo fun.

We've had girls staying at our house for the past few nights, and it really has been so much fun. For the first time in a while, I really feel like myself (crazy and energetic, yes, but truly myself). It is so easy for me to subdue who I really am because I am worried about how people will perceive me...but I shouldn't be! Christ has made me WHO I AM, and he has given me a joy for a reason. Sometimes, it may be a bit to handle...and I understand (especially when you give me caffeine), but I am not going to change who the Lord has made me to be because I am afraid of what people will think.

(my beautiful roomies above)

The Lord has blessed me INCREDIBLY with my living situation right now and I am so thankful for the 2 that I live with. God has known exactly what I have needed and has placed me just where that is.

So anyways...these next few weeks will be a time of loving life. No job, no school, no agenda! A new chapter in life :)

one thousand gifts

2011-04-18T20:14:00.002-05:00

I recently took a girl's trip to Cancun, Mexico with my mom, sister-in-law and close family friend (kathy!). let me just say it was such an incredible trip. mainly because all we did wasrelax and bask in the beauty of God's creation. We would wake up and look out our balcony and there would be the sunrise coming up over the ocean. Out on our balcony, Kristyn would give us our daily verse or passage and we would sit and do our devotions. Then the rest of the day was spent out on the beach. It definitely was the life!(view from our villa!)

One thing that Kathy inspired me to start was a list of one thousand gifts. And so that is what I have started. I know it is going to take a while to reach 1,000 but I'm already enjoying this new perspective in a sense. In the past few days it has shifted my focus. I have caught myself starting to complain or wish something was different, then I switch to something that I am thankful for in that situation or how God has brought me to this point.

For example, already being home I wish I was back in Cancun because of how relaxed and carefree I was...but what a gift and blessing it was for me to actually go on that trip!

Back to reality and back to life, but praising Him through it all :)

Romans 8:28

2011-03-31T09:47:00.003-05:00

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

My daily devotion this morning was focused around this verse out of Romans. This particular verse is familiar to me, and I'm sure to a few of you as well. It's so hard to see that God is working even amidst the struggles and trials-but He is! I think back to 3 years ago, I guess it is, when I was struggling with an eating disorder. Hardest time in my life...but through that I have seen the Lord work in SO many ways.

For one, I'm sharing my struggle, never in a million years would I imagine telling, or even blogging about having an eating disorder. Thankfully the Lord has brought me through this struggle (2 years now!), and it has been incredible seeing how He has worked through it. Through my struggle I have grown to have a passion for teen girls. I started helping out at my church leading a 9th grade small group and helping out with the student ministries. I can't tell you how much I love doing this. I love sharing and hearing the hearts of these teens. I love being open and honest with them. It's like mini camp time...I love investing time into each girl and praying for them and what they may struggle with. While not every girl has gone through an eating disorder like I have, I hope through me sharing and being open with them, they in return will do the same. Vulnerability is not bad as long as it is with people you trust and who will love you just for who you are (a precious child of God).

This is something I learned a few years back while working at a camp. In fact, my boss' wife was probably the biggest help and influence during my struggle (thanks Brooke! that's her and I on the left). I can't tell you the countless times I cried (probably balled) to her just feeling so broken. It was her love and prayers that encouraged me and helped me through that summer.

Identity is a hugeeeee struggle for girls, and my prayer is for them to know that they are treasured and loved by an incredible God who loves them JUST AS THEY ARE. I still have to remind myself of that. When I fully wrap my head around the unconditional and everlasting love that Christ gives me, maaan do I feel so much better. It's comforting to know we have such a loving God.

(btw...This summer, I'll actually be going back to work at a different camp...and this time as a counselor! I'm soooo pumped just to let the Lord work through me. Christ has set me free and I know that this summer will be incredible.)

I'll end this post with a quote "We don’t have to figure out how God will bring good, we just have to stay on the journey with Him and watch Him work."

expectations

2011-03-28T11:04:00.003-05:00

I feel like there is so much going on inside of me...especially since the last time I blogged. I could write about 5 different topics about how the Lord is working and refining me, but today I'll focus on expectations.

I'll begin with a quote:

"Expect nothing and experience the unexpected yet incredible blessings from God"

My mom constantly has told me, "kelly, you can't expect that" or "kelly, don't place expectations on others". and so often i'm like, ok ok ok. but recently i've come to realize how true that is. because let's face it, people are going to disappoint us...but if you expect nothing out of others, then you'll be pleasantly surprised.

This may seem harsh. But I disappoint people all the time, not meaning to, but that's human nature. And oftentimes the expectations I have are unrealistic. Recently I had the privilege to be an 'adult' (yes, you can laugh that i'm considered an adult in charge of teens) on a mini mission trip to Birmingham, Alabama with 10 highschool teens (I'll probably blog more about the trip tomorrow). I remember the first night as we were looking out over the city of Birmingham, praying, and just sharing with each other, one of the students asked what people expected. Immediately, my head went to think about that...and honestly I didn't know what to expect and didn't really hold any expectations with this trip-sooo great, right?! Especially because I feel that the Lord was able to use me without myself being a hindrance-which is so often the case. And our team was also incredibly blessed throughout...things that I didn't even think would happen! (like sleeping in a bed for the first night...yeah didn't even expect a bed!)

Reflecting upon that trip, I keep thinking how I can incorporate that mentality of no expectations to everyday and my relationships...and why was it so 'easy' for me not to even expect anything on the trip? Is it because I want to control my relationships or my life? Is it because I'm too consumed with what I want or how I want to feel or how I think something should be? It could be all of these...

Anyways, I'm trying to step away from my life and give it completely to God...living life without expectations and pushing what I want aside. Remember, He knows us better than we know ourselves..and he knows exactly what we need.

Irish Day!

2011-03-17T15:11:00.003-05:00

So I started out St. Patrick's Day by waking up at 6 am to cook the roommates green banana pancakes (with vanilla and cinnamon of course!). They were ohh soo delicious! They may not look appetizing, but oh they were!

So I recently moved to where I am living right now and I absolutely LOVE it! God has truly blessed me with 2 wonderful roommates who love the Lord and life, and it so refreshing and uplifting for me. I'm closer to my church, my internship, Nashville, and a lot of my friends and in these past 2 weeks I have noticed that I am less lonely and happier. Not that I wasn't happy before, but driving 2 hours a day takes a toll on ya!

Anyways, today it is absolutely beautiful outside! I am loving this weather...not loving my allergies that are kicking in, but the sun is beating down and it makes me smile :)

I hope you all are wearing your green today! When I was in highschool I made a shirt that said "Kiss me, I'm Irish" haha, I wish I still had that ;)

I DID IT!

2011-03-14T15:17:00.003-05:00

YAAAAY!!! I did it!!! I finished my first half-marathon! After being injured a year ago in the middle of the Disney Princess Half, I have been through crutches, physical therapy, biking (i hate biking), and finally back to training to complete my first half!! My goal was to finish it in 2 hours...and I went beyond my goal and finished in 1 hour, 50 minutes, and 3 seconds! I feel soo accomplished! And it was a beautiful Nashville day!

I'm going to take a little break from running to rest my knees and toes...and I'm going to start Insanity (like p90x).

I think I'm going to do another half in September time? I hear there's a great one in VA beach...I may have to take a trip there!

kid in a candy store

2011-03-10T13:54:00.006-06:00

sometimes I feel like a little kid in a candy store. it's the little things in life that get me super

excited...

like when I see a Steeler's fan or anything related to the Steelers or Pittsburgh :)

when someone gets engaged

when someone is from anywhere I've been (ha, that happens often)

bouncy balls

when my favorite flavor is at sweet cece's (york peppermint

patty)

moving into my new home

cooking or baking

justin bieber - he's just so catchy!

fantasy football

traveling and visiting people

working at camp

making the perfect cup of coffee

puzzles

when i see guys being super sweet to their girlfriend or wife(especially my brother)

the sun!

seriously tho. i always feel like a little kid, but i love it! people always laugh at me when i do my giddy dance (yes, i have a giddy dance), or get super pumped at random stuff. but that's me :)

tough love

2011-03-03T13:07:00.002-06:00

so i haven't posted in a few days...and partially because i just haven't known what to write about. i recently moved this past weekend so my life has been kind of upside down. especially because i don't have a room yet and my stuff is all over the place! but that'll be fixed this weekend :)

anyways. i recently had a conversation with my sister-in-law and she mentioned tough love, and how it may not be the easiest thing...but how it is ultimately beneficial and for that person's good. i say this because i was given a bit of tough love this morning. and yes, it was hard and still is to be honest, but i know it will only help strengthen and refine me. i think i get the most tough love from my family. only because they know me more than anyone, and they want to see me be the best i can be.

honestly, i hateeeee being told that i am wrong, or having someone notice a flaw in me. but the truth is, i'm not perfect-no one is. i feel blessed to have close family that will tell me how it is...there may be tears, but in the end there's always hugs! now i'm not saying my family does this all the time or even out of spite. i think it's quite the opposite, they love me so much that they want to see me grow and become that better godly woman.

with all that being said. tough love is tough. and today i got a little bit of tough love. but i pray that the Lord will use this and refine me and continue to mold me into His image.

never say never

2011-02-25T22:37:00.007-06:00

never say you won't go see a movie. because then it will happen. and you may actually like it. yes, i will admit. I went and saw the justin bieber movie with these two precious girls below (they're part of the 9th grade small group i lead!)

they're doing the universal justin bieber sign--> the heart, of course.

we didn't plan on seeing it in 3D, but when the other showing was sold out we had no choice.

we even got to sit in the special 3D chairs outside the theater! yes, the little things in life get me excited =D

when i went to see the movie i didn't expect to actually like it, but i did...yes i did. bieber is a wholesome guy and honestly, if i had a teeny bopper girl i would approve of her listening to

bieber rather than others (cough*mileycyrus*cough). and this movie/documentary is actually pretty interesting. and ya gotta hand it to him, he is a talented guy.

so on my day off this past week I took these 2 beautiful girls to go see Justin Bieber in 3D and it ended up being enjoyable. plus...i always have fun with these girls :)

(by the way for any of my blog readers that grew up in VA around IBC-the one on the right is the youngest Easley child...yes, I lead her small group! makes me feel old)

Bucket List

2011-02-17T14:10:00.002-06:00

Have you ever created a bucket list?

I sort of have. Well more when I do something super awesome I go-oh check that off the bucket list! Here are some of the

things I want to accomplish:

-bungee jump in New Zealand

-go to all 50 states

-complete a half marathon then a full marathon

-sing the National Anthem at a Steeler's game

-create a cookbook/baking book of my creations and treats (like my peanut butter brownies!)

-go sailing

-ride an elephant (i love elephants)

things I've done:

-repelled into a cenote

-been on and in the Amazon River

-held an Anaconda

That's all for right now. I'm sure I'll think of things as life goes on. for now I'm just loving life :)

What's on YOUR bucket list?!

pretty pink petals

2011-02-16T15:24:00.004-06:00

Valentine's Day was the other day (as you all know) and this year I had the privilege of helping a Nashville florist deliver and take orders allllll day. It was exhausting and crazy busy, but well worth it in my book. I say it was a privilege because it really was...I mean, what could be better than speaking to nervous and clueless men who are either in love or trying to win that special someone over. They were presh. And then to know that some woman was being made very happy...it just made me happy!

On one of my deliveries (to the Bridgestone Arena), I dropped off some flowers at the front desk and chit chatted with the security lady for a bit. She said that flowers have been delivered all day, but she waits to call the girl because she just loves having all these pretty flowers across her desk! She also said it's fun to see the looks on some of the girl's faces because they didn't expect anything. Loveee it!

So my Valentine's day was not depressing and was not a "single's awareness day", in fact it was so busy I never even had a chance to think about being "alone" on valentine's day (even though I know I am never alone...I've got Jesus with me :)!). I am loved with the greatest love of all. Unconditional and everlasting.

I did get a pretty pink rose from the flower shop :) It was going to get thrown away because it didn't look pretty, but I pulled the bad petals off and now it sits on my desk at work! Yaaay!

I hope you all had a wonderful Valentine's Day! Continue to love, and love well through Him

dreams

2011-02-11T12:19:00.002-06:00

Don't worry, this won't be a totally mind boggling post about dreams like Inception...just some of my thoughts!

Do you ever have dreams and wake up thinking they were real? Or do you dream about something and then you worry about that issue? Well that sometimes happens to me. In fact this past week, I have been having dreams about one particular thing that I have totally been at peace about until I started dreaming. Funny how that works, eh? It has started to affect my thoughts during the day and really has made me stress out...totally unnecessary! Well this morning started a new day and I must say, the Lord is conquering for suree today! (sorry that rhymed, really didn't mean to)

I typically have trouble sleeping anyways, so this whole dream thing is definitely not helping. I woke up this morning as usual and checked my e-mail. I signed up for this daily devotional-and todays was on sleep! Of course. Well I didn't even read it until I got to work today...before I even read it-while driving-I was praying and asking the Lord to just take everything from me. All my worries and fears and stresses. My first reaction is always to go to my mom or best friend and seek their advice...then I analyze the situation with person after person. Well instead, in my car, I gave it ALL to Him...while it is such a blessing to have a mom and friends who can give me sound advice, I haven't truly surrendered it all to my Heavenly Father.

I then got to work and read about anxious toil (Psalm 127:2) and Christ keeping us in perfect peace (Isaiah 26:3). Totally what I needed to hear!

What does this have to do with my dreams? Simple. I'm giving those dreams up to Him, and my worries, and my sleep issues. All to Him. This is for sure a daily surrender...but it needs to be done. He knows what lies ahead and right now, but He still wants us to come to Him.

We are SO blessed to have a Father who is gracious enough to love us unconditionally. Love it =D

travel adventures

2011-02-09T09:56:00.004-06:00

This past weekend I traveled to visit some of my close friends in Oklahomaaaa! (boomer sooner! haha) This was the first time that I can recall to visit oklahoma, and my first impression: SNOW! yes, they got hit-and are still getting hit with snow. Nonetheless, I still arrived to the arms of Megan and Sarah. First stop: trying to see if we could start Megan's car. It didn't work-but it was fun attempting to act like we knew what we were doing (they might have, but i had nooo clue!)

After a sleepover that night with the girls-we ventured to Texas A&M the next morning. yep in the snow. It took almost 9 hours-with a stop in waco for some

common grounds coffee yummm! once making it to college station, we just had sweet friend and loving your life time. SUCH a blessing! I hadn't seen some people in almost 2 years! That's what happens when you work at a camp in Texas and live a million miles away...it's so great though how we just pick up right where we leave off.

Came back to OU Sunday just in time for the superbowl (don't worry, I'm not bitter...it was a good game. my boys can't win every year). It was me and the girls watching it-the loudest they got was when Usher came out during half time. hahahaha. love them! Monday I got to tour campus with a good friend while we ran 8 miles. yes, 8 miles and it was freezing!

All in all this weekend was exactly what I needed. The Lord has blessed me with such amazing friends and sisters that are with me forever. I just wish I lived closer to everyone!

here are some other pictures:

paige...showing us how she would hold her child...ohhh goodness. lol

And then there's me and Lainers: I had to do a BOOMER SOONER #1!

birds

2011-01-31T15:03:00.004-06:00

for those of you who know me, know that I do not like birds.

why is this you ask?

well for various reasons.

1. they fly at you and scare you

2. there are millions of them...they are everywhere!

3. they poop on you...

#3 being the main reason why i don't like birds. Yes, I have been pooped on by a bird...not once, not twice, but three times. (do they say it's good luck? I don't know...I don't particularly think so since they keep pooping on me)

the tale of 3 splats starts NOW.

unfortunate event #1- I was in middle school I'm pretty sure...our family was in Mexico on vacation. I was playing mini golf and what do you know. splat-right on my shoulder. Luckily I had a swim suit on and could immediately run to the pool and jump in. gross. just gross!

#2 - I was sitting on the lifeguard stand at Pine Cove one summer watching the campers play water polo or something and boom-right on my thigh! I started screaming and freaking out. The campers all turned and kept saying "Miss America, what happened?! What's wrong?!" (for those of you who don't know, at Pine Cove Camps we have camp names...yes, mine is Miss America) I yelled "A bird pooped on my leg-get it off get it off!" I couldn't jump off the stand into the water because I was on lifeguard duty. Luckily, another gracious lifeguard got me a paper towel and I was able to rub the grossness off my leg.

#3 - This is the most recent one...I was walking in downtown Franklin, TN...minding my own business...and plop on my shoulder...AGAIN! When I heard the noise and felt something on my shoulder, I knew...I slowly turned my head to discover the nastiness right there. I flipped and ran into the nearest store-Binks and started jumping up and down...i just wanted it off of me! My friends were hysterically laughing and my mother too. The closest thing to a paper towel the store had was a receipt...so we wiped it off with a receipt and once we got to another store i properly washed my shoulder. Oh my mother also apologized to the employees at Binks for me being crazy pretty much (they really did think I was crazy.) I'm sorry, i just don't like birds! the rest of the day, i ran from covered area to covered area. thanks bird.

why the sudden topic of my dislike and fear of birds? well simple. there are TONS of them in Tennessee...and the flock by the thousand. I was running the other day and they came out of nowhere. I look like an idiot running by them with my hands over my head. I have no escape when I'm running, but you can bet if i see birds while i'm in the car-i won't get out until they are gone!

And of course, right now...on my windshield where the wiper fluid can't reach...a bird left me a present. so i am reminded every time I get in the car and drive. thanks, and pleaaase leave me alone?

perfect peace

2011-01-28T20:36:00.005-06:00

a great song that i've been listening to. It's called "Perfect Peace" by Laura Story. Check it out! here are the lyrics

stay close by my side

keep your eyes on me

though this life is hard

I will give you perfect peace

in this time of trial

pain that no one sees

trust me when I say

I will give you perfect peace

and you'll never walk alone

and you'll never be in need

though I may not calm the storms around you

you can hide in ME

burdens that you bear

offer no relief

let me bear your load

'cuz I will give you perfect peace

stay close by my side

and you'll never walk alone

keep your eyes on ME

and you'll never be in need

though this life is hard

no that I will always give you perfect peace

I will give you perfect peace

When you think about peace, what do you think of?

How have you felt peace in the past week?

blessed

2011-01-25T16:27:00.004-06:00

today i feel incredibly blessed. i went for a run this morning (4 miles...training for a half marathon babbbyyy!) and listened to a Matt Chandler podcast on my ipod. i started podcast listening while running instead of music and kind of enjoy it. i listen more. weird, i know. anyways, it was really insightful - talking about Habbakuk and how God answers our prayers-whether we realize it or not. one thing Matt said is how he answers our prayers by allowing us to breathe each morning...wow! umm so true!

so i got to thinking about the blessings in my life...instead of pouting because this hasn't gone my way, or because i'm feeling lonely...i decided to praise God for the precious friends and family that are in my life. I mean let's be real, I can text/call any one of my closest friends and ask for prayer and they will. just yesterday i was having a difficult time and texted my best friend from home and asked for prayer. she immediately responded via text with prayer. i was driving (don't read this mom and dad) and immediately teared up. why? well many reasons...i'm an emotional girl...and because i feel so loved, even by that simple prayer.

nonetheless-God has placed SOO many people in my life...from all around (virginia, tennessee, texas, illinois, etc...) who love me for ME. and who lift me up when i am down, who hold me accountable, who laugh with me, who cheer for the Steelers with me, and who will be in my life for years and years to come.

how are you feeling blessed today?

(one more 'blessing'...the Steeler's are in the SuperBowl!!!!!)

back and blogging

2011-01-23T15:13:00.002-06:00

So...I'm back blogging! It has been almost 2 years since I've blogged, and for some reason I just want to start it up again...A lot has happened over the years, but I just want to focus on the here and now. Where God has me...and the journey He has me on :)

My goal at this time in my life is to enjoy and love the life that God has blessed me with. I hope to share with you where God has me and my heart, as well as just fun things going on in the life of kelly. I don't know where I am going or where God will have me next...what I cannot see-

God CAN! love that! Anyways, here goes nothing...

So: HI blogging world. I am back!

And what better way to be back then a classic 'kelly' face...

a life that counts

2009-04-27T13:54:00.003-05:00

so yesterday at church, our pastor spoke about David and finding the strength to carry and fight on. We read from 1 Samuel 30 and went through David's life (how he was chosen King, then went through a lot of hardships, and finally was anointed King as God's vision was fulfilled)

At points in his life, David felt that there was no energy left to even care! As I think about that, I realize that sometimes I'm in that same exact spot...I just don't want to care or do anything. But the real question is how do we find strength?

2 Timothy 4:17 says "But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. And I was delivered from the lion's mouth."

and

Isaiah 40:30-31 (one of my favorites) "Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men

stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar

on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

David fought on because the Lord stood with him:

I continue to fight because the Lord stands with me.

a life that counts finds strength

routines

2009-04-25T08:11:00.003-05:00

do you ever feel like your life is a broken record? just going and going...doing the same thing. we get into these daily routines and forget to really live. i feel like i get caught up in doing the same stuff that i start to live just to get by...i'm not living each day to its' fullest.

so how do we get out of that funk?

that daily routine?

just some thoughts...

yes or no

2009-04-19T15:19:00.002-05:00

So the other night I watched Yes, Man. I thought it was a pretty funny movie! But it got me thinking. The basic gist of the movie is that this guy (Jim Carey) always says no to people until he goes to this "Yes" meeting and vows to say yes to everyone and everything. I think Jim Carey is hilarious, so I loved how the whole movie played out.

But anywayyyys. I'm kind of the opposite of this guy. I tend to always say yes...and I've thought to myself, why is this? I think a lot of the reason is that I'm afraid to let people down and disappoint them. I love doing things for people and helping out, but sometimes my life gets too busy that I don't even have time for myself. I weasle my way around saying no (even if it's a legit reason!). In the last few months I really have begun to actually say no, and I don't think it's a bad thing.

I think it's key to have a balance between saying yes and no. You can't always say yes, because you'll lose a bit of yourself. But you can't always say no, because then you're not really doing anything. So that's what I'm working on. Saying yes and no-because I believe that makes me healthier.

Are you a yes or a no person? Or both?!

bye-bye teenager

2009-04-07T13:13:00.002-05:00

today is my last day of being a teenager.

crazy!!!

any ideas on what to do on my last day?!

or my first day of non-teenaged years?!

dream on

2009-04-04T21:56:00.002-05:00

do you ever have dreams that either seem totally real or ones that bug you...and you end up thinking about them way too much or what they could mean.

the other night i had one of those dreams that bugged me the entire next day. i think that one of the biggest things that bothered me was that i felt helpless in my dream, and i started to be afraid that this was going to happen. i've come so far in the past few months and for that to just be flushed away (like it was in my dream) scared me.

one of my best friends that i work with at camp in texas said, you know what kelly, satan is trying to get to you and you can't let him. she's right. satan knows what will make me anxious and cause me to worry and he knows just how to do it. i guess this came in the form of a dream. but satan's not winning this game!

so anyways, i'm not listening to this dream. it's in the back of my mind.

oh yeah and also. you know what happens to me quite a bit? i can't remember if someone said something and it was in my dream or in reality. like if you call me in the middle of the night, i'll answer...but i'll be half asleep and so confused in the morning.

well GOOD NIGHT :)

walk with Him

2009-03-25T08:36:00.002-05:00

so the one challenge I've taken on this week is walking with my best friend...through anything and everything. Yes, I know He's with me all the time-but I feel like I neglect the One who gave up everything just for me. recently I've just felt so distant from Christ in my daily life. i've just felt such in a fog, like i'm going around in circles, and honestly i wouldn't turn to Christ when i know i need to. so how am i doing this week?

i've felt so lost from myself and from Christ in me, that i'm slowly stripping away the loneliness i've felt in myself. one thing that someone said that's hit me is "how can i see Jesus in me when I can't even see myself?" - there's just been a fog within me from so much going on...

but slowly i can see Christ working in me and through all the struggles i've gone through in the past few months. i'm turning to my best friend. the One who has and will always be there for me even when i may stray. i can't even fathom that sometimes...

happy st patrick's day!

2009-03-17T16:43:00.002-05:00

just wanted to say HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY :)

I made green chocolate chip cookies! I'd put a picture of them up on here but 1. they don't look to appetizing (but they taste delicious!) and 2. i've lost my connector thing for my camera...

if you want some, come stop by! hehehe

I was going to make green pancakes, but today's a busy day so no time for that.

Maybe a green milkshake for later tonight?! hmm...possibility!

hawaii

2009-02-28T14:28:00.003-06:00

i was in Hawaii a few weeks ago and let me tell you, it's gorgeous there! I think that my favorite thing about it is the clouds. Where we stayed it would be bright, sunny, blue sky, but behind us was the mountains. And in the mountains you'd see storm clouds and rain. It was really incredible.

I also got to go whale watching and I could see so much of the island. Out on the ocean you could just see the different climate changes going on. Having the mountains and ocean is definitely the best of both worlds.

This is a sunset picture from our room. We had an amazing view of the ocean! It's true about the colors in Hawaii=so pretty :)

anyways. who wants to go back with me?!

the stand

2009-02-22T20:24:00.003-06:00

so I absolutely love the lyrics to this song by Hillsong and thought I'd share it :)

Whenever I sing it/hear it, it immediately becomes my cry.

"So I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned

In awe of the One who gave it all

So I'll stand my soul, Lord, to YOU surrendered

All I am is YOURS"

What does this mean to me?

Well first of all heart abandoned. Oh man...that's something that just hits me. I have passions, I have feelings, I have desires, but to put that completely aside and give it to God-that's total surrender right there. Am I there? NO! (I wish!) but I certainly can try. It's just the simple act of completely giving yourself to God.

Someone mentioned to me that surrender can be thought of as sitting there hands out in front of you, with your palms facing up, that way God can take you just as you are and do as He chooses. If your hands are clenched, there are then restrictions. But that simple act of letting go and releasing your hands, upward to Him can give a little sense of freedom.

And then there's the simple words ALL I AM IS YOURS. I find comfort in the fact that I am God's, nothing will ever change that. But it's not just some of me, it's ALL of me. And that's something I constantly need to remind myself. It's so easy for me to give half-heartedly, but I'm still left with this emptiness and struggle, but if I just continually, minute by minute give up all of me to God-wouldn't life become somewhat easier?

Just some thoughts...and footprints that have been left on my heart =)

--by the way. this is the 3rd time i think i've had these lyrics posted on here...they must mean something to me! =P

champs!

2009-02-02T20:17:00.003-06:00

here we go Steeler's, here we go!!!!!!!

YAAY. Superbowl champs =D What a fun game to watch! I would love to put up pictures...but I have lost my connector thingy. sigh. hopefully i'll find it soon so i can put them up - especially the super cool 3D glasses one (even though the commercial was kind of lame).

oh and apparently the harrison run back for a touchdown at the end of the 1st half is talked about being one of the greatest plays...wanna know where i was? yeah. i missed it. i was in the bathroom...how lame, right?! but i really had to go!!!

anyways...

isn't it funny though, how much hype and attention is put on the superbowl, and then it's over in a second. already they critics and ESPN analysts are talking about what's going to happen next year. can't you just take a break for a second, and dwell on the moment?! i think as humans, we are always looking to the future and never stop to just sit and enjoy the glory all around us. we're always trying looking to something else. its like the saying "stop and smell the roses" (however cliche that may be). but seriously! take a breath!

Happy February (even a day late!) <3

journal excerpt

2009-01-24T17:49:00.002-06:00

So this blog, I've decided to actually take directly out of my journal - sorry if it's a little jumbled!

January 18, 2009

So dad and I are on our roadtrip on our way to get my stuff from Greenville. I kind of have mixed feelings. It's going to be sad to leave Greenville and all my friends, but I know this is what I need to do. But then I think, is it really what I need to do, or have I just convinced myself of that? It's kind of like my food choice. I don't like fast food and won't eat it, but sometimes I think that I've more trained myself to not like it or eat it. how do I know that my choice to stay home is truly from Christ and not my selfish desires or wants? But it's not like I'm trying to escape Greenville, I'm choosing a path that's changing. I know I'm seeking the Lord's will so as long as I continue to seek Him, I know that He will lead me. How do I know I haven't convinced myself that I'm following Him, when in actuality I'm not? I'm not saying that this is the case, but what if? I guess that I need to rely on the truth and faith. I can't doubt the truth that God has given and when it comes to decisions I need to stand firm on His truth and foundation.

here it is

2009-01-16T09:40:00.002-06:00

So it's been a few weeks since I've posted, and I guess you could say quite a bit has happened.

First. I have made the decision to stay home this semester and take classes around here. It wasn't completely a rash decision: I spent a lot of time over the break praying about what to do and where I felt God leading me.

There are many reasons to my decision...this past semester at Greenville, I just wasn't has happy or loving it like I did last year. I felt constricted and not challenged academically and even spiritually. I've also thought about switching my major and just trying to figure out what I want to do. There are other reasons too, but I really just feel like God has so much more in store for me and that this change will be a good thing for me.

With that being said, me being home won't be easy. And I'm not just sitting at home doing nothing! I really want to get involved in this area in ways I haven't before like in high school. I'm going to be working a lot on my music, playing at venues, writing and more writing. Also, I'm helping at IBC with the Jr. High and co-leading a small group. It will be so easy for me to hide and not get out and do things, but I really want to use this time to my fullest ability. I want God to teach me and to strengthen me and to use me!

So that's what's going on right now...

I'll keep updated on my progress :)

looking back

2008-12-31T17:29:00.002-06:00

Soo. It's almost the new year. As I look back on this year I realize how much I've grown, been challenged, and strengthened. Sometimes I wish that I did things differently, or that things could change. But one thing I've realized is that God doesn't let things slide. Every decision and event I've made in the past has been purposeful. I don't want to regret anything, I want to continue to seek God and His will for my life.

There are going to be some difficult changes and decisions to make in the next few days for me, but I know that God isn't giving me more than I can handle. He has a plan. He has a way. And as long as I'm seeking Him, that's really all I can do.

Now what do I want for this next year?

I've thought about resolutions, but that always seems so cliche sometimes. I just want to continue to seize each day, and live it to the full potential God has blessed me with. Whether it be playing the guitar more, writing more music, studying the Word, going out to town, working, whatever it may be! I want to make the most of life!

so easy to say...so hard to do.

But anyways, I hope you all have a HAPPY NEW YEAR!

gingerbread house

2008-12-23T13:53:00.004-06:00

soo. last night we had a gingerbread house making party/contest!

I didn't win anything...even though my house is AWESOME!

But it was so much fun! I love this time of year =D and I LOVE being home!

this is my house

notice the ghetto door/window.

they called it a hooverville.

this was the ultimate winning house that mary and chris made.

DONE!

2008-12-16T01:10:00.003-06:00

YAAAAAAAAY!

I'm officially done with this semester!!!

Maybe my eye will stop twitching...lol

It's such a relief...this semester has definitely been a tough one in so many ways. But I know for a fact that God has used this semester to continue to strengthen me in Him. He has me where I am right now for a reason. I may not know what lies ahead, but I can rest in the fact that He knows.

I won't be home until Thursday, but maybe I can use these next few days to rest, reflect, and just dwell on Him.

I just gotta remember, God has a purpose for everything. No matter what has happened or what is to come, God's got it under control :)

tis the season

2008-12-12T10:41:00.003-06:00

So it's been a while. But I've just been caught up in the hustle and bustle of finals and blaaah!

It doesn't even feel like Christmas to me yet, which saddens me because I LOVE this time of year! I love the lights, the music, the cheer =D But when I think about it, I don't want my focus to be too much on the tangible things of the earth. Just because it's Christmas, shouldn't be why I'm joyful. I should always have the joy of Christ in me, you know!

I have so many things to do the next few days...but I don't want to worry or get anxious because of all those things. Christ calls us to not worry about tomorrow and receive the peace that he has placed in our hearts.

My eye has been twitching since Sunday. And I think it's because I'm stressed/tired (random, I know), so instead of freaking out about everything. I'm going to take it one step at a time. Focus on my peace and joy in Him. That is what truly will give me a calm and a satisfaction.

Anyways, next time you start to get anxious or overwhelmed. Just pray! He will give you a peace that surpasses all understanding.

Now on to my to-do list...

used books

2008-12-04T23:25:00.002-06:00

so I discovered this used bookstore a few blocks from campus and there are TONS of books!

with that being said.

if you have any book wishes, let me know!

there are some classics too :)

backkk

2008-12-01T15:01:00.002-06:00

a tease. that's how i feel my thanksgiving break was! It was too short! and i certainly wasn't ready to come back to school.

but here i am...sitting. in good ol' greenville, illinois - aka the middle of nowhere!

i had such a great time at home. i love my family, i love my friends, and i just love the comfort there.

but God has called me here for a reason and i know that!

i've got 2 1/2 more weeks left of the semester (crazy!) and then a nice relaxing winter break. i know i say i don't like looking toward something and living for the moment, and i don't...but i just feel like thats the way i live so often. i need to really just focus on the moment by moment and the here and now and what God is saying to me now!

OH! one more thing: my devo today was on worship. but not just worship in music but in all that we do. being a walking worshipper. i want to be a light for Christ in all that i do and bring Him the ultimate glory. i challenge you to be a WALKING WORSHIPPER

P.S - Christmas music can officially be played now!!! =D

thanksgiving!

2008-11-26T23:28:00.002-06:00

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

What are you thankful for?!

Here's just a few of mine:

*my wonderful family!

*humor

*music

*forgiveness

*struggles

*triumph

*EVERYTHING!

And I'm SO thankful that I'm home =D It's so great being around my family and with some of my closest friends. God is good!

I hope you all have a wonderful day filled with quality time with those you love!

take it slow

2008-11-21T13:31:00.004-06:00

There's so much going on in life.

In all our lives. and it can get pretty hectic and crazy.

I know I worry too much about what will come next. What about the future? What about next week?

Sometimes I just need to sit and let Christ's peace rule me. And not my own stress. I let so many things in this world rule over me when I really should let Christ completely consume me. He is stronger than any sin and struggle going on.

Sometimes we just need to sit and be still. His peace, His love, His grace, His mercy will fulfill any and all my needs.

Colossians 3 is some great stuff! Read it =D

habits

2008-11-17T11:38:00.003-06:00

Do you find yourself getting into habits easily?

How you eat, how you wake up, what you watch, when you do certain things, the number of times you do things, how you spend your time, what you even say?!

Some things I've noticed in myself:

When someone asks how I am, I always say I'm good. Even if I'm not.

When I wake up in the morning I turn on my computer.

I check my phone often for messages or calls.

I like to do things in odd numbers (like eat 1 or 3 cookies, not 2...weird I know)

Checking my e-mail (and facebook, but not right now!)

Even how I fall asleep-like the way I lay down!

Watching TV at a certain time

While some habits may be good, I feel like it can really consume us too much. We become too focused on doing things a certain way. What happens when it doesn't go that way? I want to focus my energy on the good habits. Like waking up in prayer, and doing my devotions.

I think what is more important, however, is how we respond when these habits are broken, or when things don't go the way we're used to during the day. I am consciously making an effort to do things differently, to kind of mix it up a little.

I feel like I've given up one of my habits - facebook, but I've replaced it with other habits. Some good, like doing my devotions - but I still find myself consuming my time on my computer or the TV when I could be doing other things.

I really want to make the most out of every day.

Do I, though?

Instead of just sitting back and letting life go by, i want to be actively involved in life and how Christ is to be glorified.

What are your thoughts?

stand alive

2008-11-14T19:00:00.002-06:00

Do you sometimes feel like you're at a standstill?

Like you're caught in the middle of everything.

You're here, but you're not...if that makes sense.

Sometimes I feel that I'm physically here but my mind just wanders when I'm hanging out with people. I don't know...

Do I analyze things too much?

I think that I do.

But how do you change that?

And how do you draw that line?

I know that God has designed me specifically the way I am. I know He has brought me to the point at where I am today for a reason. But sometimes I wish I could go back to certain moments, or certain ways I acted and viewed life - more like a child like faith I guess. It's weird, because I want to grow up...but at the same time, the more I do the harder it becomes and the more struggles and problems I tend to encounter.

BUT at the same time, the older I get, the more equipped I am to follow God and His will for me.

I am called to die to myself; to the excuses I make; to the wants I have; to worldly perfection I seek; to the attitude I have sometimes.

I pray that God would be alive in me!

bungee jumping

2008-11-13T15:27:00.001-06:00

my dad and brother are bungee jumping right now. as i type this. in new zealand!

crazy, huh?!

gotta love them!

my big brother is a poop

2008-11-11T08:17:00.002-06:00

I didn't say it, my sister-in-law did!

haha I love my big brother :)

but seriously. Matt and Kristyn are moving to Nashville AS WE SPEAK! (or read)--pray for them! And they're passing through Illinois, and they aren't stopping to see me! I know I know. I guilt tripped Matt last night...and it didn't work. I wish I could see them but I understand they have to get to Nashville at a certain time (booo) I would've bought them lunch too! Oh well.

I actually told Matt to come by Greenville and pick me up and take me to Nashville with them. I'm SO excited for them! I just think its so exciting to be moving to a new place. Scary, yes. But so exciting to get their own place, decorate however, and really get grounded in a new community! I can't wait :)

but I can't grow up too fast...even though I sometimes wish it

Kristyn and Matt-you better be ready to see your sister, I'm gonna be visiting!

With that being said.

It's rainy and cold today...but it will be a glorious day that God has given us!

I've started a Bible study called "A Call To Die" where I'm fasting from something for a specific amount of time and replacing that with prayer, devotion, time with God, and music (I added that one). It's been 2 days so far, but I'm doing this with one of my campers this summer who is like my little sister. I know this is going to be a great growing time as I deny the things of this world (try to) and really focus on Christ and His work in my life. It's all about Him! I'll keep you updated with how I'm doing with the devotional, so far I'm doing good.

I'm starting to write music more too! YAY =D

ALSO-today is Veteran's day.

God bless America and those who have served and are still serving our country!

gas

2008-11-10T11:51:00.004-06:00

I took this picture over the weekend on my way to my roommate's house.

This is at some small town in Illinois.

I thought of my fellow Virginians back home. :)

I bet ya haven't seen it this cheap! (I really have no idea...but here ya go!)

what to doo

2008-11-07T09:46:00.003-06:00

So I woke up at 6AM this morning.

Why?

Who knows!

But I don't have a class until 10:30...so what did I do for a few hours?

Well I woke up to find one of my pod mates still awake...she hadn't gone to bed yet! Crazy, huh? I then sat, got on my computer, wrote some e-mails, watched some Saved By The Bell, caught up with some people, took a long shower, got ready. This was all before 9:00.

At 9:15 I went and got my allergy shot and on my way walking there something hit me. I woke up so early this morning for no reason. And what did I do? I did random stuff. What could I have done? I could've had some good quality time with my creator. I did read a devotion, but it wasn't complete silence with me and God.

So when I got back from my shot, I took out my Bible and read. And prayed.

I want, I need to manage my time better. God's given me that time, and I ignore it. So my desire is to really grow in Christ, but I can only do that if I stop wasting my time with other things.

Here's what I read this morning:

Psalm 61 (look it up!)

and

2 Corinthians 1 (some good stuff there!)

habakkuk

2008-11-06T12:44:00.003-06:00

So a good friend of mine recommended to me a podcast from his church up in northern IL. There are 3 sermons on the book of Habakkuk and I just finished listening to the first one.

I really enjoyed it and it challenged me to really embrace God.

We are to embrace God in everything and all that we do. And it also challenges to wrestle with God. Not at Him, but with Him. Through this I can truly sense His grip in my life.

One thing that I've thought about is that it is OK to question God and it's ok to be upset. But we still need to embrace God and bring our questions and worries and fears to Him. Through that we can come to know Him more and grow in relationship with Him.

Habakkuk begins his book by embracing/questioning God, then moves to wrestling with Him, and then ends with praise.

How often to I end with praise? Not enough.

I'm growing

I'm learning

I'm gripped by the best hand of all

PS-I wrote another song yesterday =D

a little something

2008-11-05T08:50:00.002-06:00

My grandma passed away yesterday afternoon. Though it is hard, I know that she's in a WAY better place (seriously now.) and is suffering no longer. In fact, she's dancing and singing in the presence of our Savior. I'm kind of jealous :)

Walking home from work yesterday, I looked up to the night sky and saw the many many stars (yes, here in the midwest-we actually can see the stars!) and knew that my grandma is smiling down on me and everyone else. That's comforting.

In Habakkuk it talks about the prophet who questions God about why things happen. And Habakkuk 3 it says that even though things may go wrong and fail, we will still praise the Lord and rejoice in His joy.

Thank you to everyone for your prayers and your love. It means SO much to me!

God is Sovereign

God is Mighty

God is my ALL

love from afar

2008-11-03T08:23:00.002-06:00

I just got off the phone with my dad who is with my grandma in the hospital. She isn't doing well at all. The past 2 days she hasn't responded hardly at all and she hasn't eaten. It's so hard not being there next to her and next to my dad and grandpa. So yesterday after I talked with my dad and found out how serious/bad grandma's condition is, I grabbed my guitar and wrote a song.

This was the first time in a while I've written a complete song in one sitting. I told dad I wanted to sing it to her. The song is really for all three of them. When I talked to grandpa last night about singing it, or having dad play some of my songs he said " know that's what will wake her up". My grandpa is so sweet toward grandma and loving her while she is sick.

So I woke up really early this morning - I just haven't been able to sleep that well lately, and I decided to call dad and see how everything was. Nothing new. He didn't get a chance to play my songs last night, and so I decided to sing/play the song I just wrote. I played it and grandma responded!!! I couldn't understand anything but she was speaking. My dad said it was the liveliest she's been in the past few days.

I wish I could be there right now, but I know that God can still use me from afar. And I know that God is in control. Even though this is so hard, He's watching over me and my family.

Please keep our family in your prayers, especially since we are spread across the country (and then there's my brother in New Zealand). Our love is given from afar.

"I'm near but I'm far

You can feel my heartbeat next to yours

Just one call away

Through the silence I'll speak to your heart

and it's back to the start"

heart abandoned

2008-10-31T09:07:00.002-05:00

it's been a while since I've updated.

and honestly, I can't think of anything to write right now...except for these lyrics to a song that have really become a true cry and prayer of my heart.

So I'll stand, with arms high and heart abandoned

In awe of the One who gave it all

So I'll stand

My soul Lord to You surrendered

All I am IS YOURS

surrender your whole self. not daily, but moment by moment.

I know God has so much in store, but how often am I in the way?

expectations

2008-10-24T13:33:00.002-05:00

I was thinking last night. And I wonder if I expect too much from people.

*Now before I continue with this, please don't get offended by anything I write. It is really thoughts just going through my mind that I want to try and sort through. Nothing against anyone! And I don't think of myself as above anyone either.*

Where to begin...well I guess with saying that I love reaching out to others; my friends, my family and anyone in need. I believe strongly in community and lifting each other up in prayer, in being honest with each other (without fear of judgement), and in all around Godly fellowship. Pine Cove Christian Camps = excellent example of community. Now before camp, I would find myself helping others, but really struggling to receive that same help. Through camp, I really learned the importance of helping each other and being vulnerable with each other - it's what God calls us to be and do.

since being back at school, though, things haven't been quite the same. I'm at the same point where I love reaching out and helping others, but I'm not getting that in return. But should I really expect it?

Not everyone has the same mindset that I do to reach out and lift each other up, which is okay.

But I still find myself waiting for someone to just sit alongside me, put their arm around me, and pray.

Last night at Vespers, there was a lot of community and surrender and it was great. I was sitting toward the back and I saw friend after friend sit around each other, giving hugs and just being there. I wanted that. (Is it wrong to want that). I know that God is there for me, but still...

I'm struggling, yes. Along with everyone else. But isn't it easier to overcome these struggles together? I find myself alone at college, especially in my struggle...one in particular.

Should I expect someone to come alongside of me if they don't know what's going on? But then again, some people do, and they're still not reaching out. Is that wrong of me?

Now again, I'm not writing this to condemn anyone, or even for people to feel sorry for me. DONT! I've got my Heavenly Father with me always :)

I just have been thinking a lot about that, and the expectations I put on people that I don't think I should.

just being real.

just being honest.

Quote

2008-10-23T12:03:00.002-05:00

I'm reading C.S Lewis' Mere Christianity for one of my classes and this was the last paragraph to one of the chapters I just read.

"If Christianity was something we were making up, of course we could make it easier. But it is not. We cannot compete, in simplicity, with people who are inventing religions. How could we? We are dealing with Fact. Of course anyone can be simple if he has no facts to bother about."

prayer

2008-10-22T19:31:00.002-05:00

Prayer is an amazing thing.

Especially prayer for each other.

Do you ever find yourself saying "I'll be praying for you!", and you don't?! I know I have. But it's something I'm working on.

God has really pushed on my heart recently the power of community and the power of prayer in that community. I truly believe that prayer does make a difference! And honestly, when I ask someone to pray for me, I'd really hope that they would if they said they would! So that's what I'm doing. I have a prayer journal and I write down any and all prayer requests so I can be reminded to pray for them all!

--It actually reminds me of little Kailey who has a prayer journal :) I wish I took her idea sooner!

Then I want to mention not just praying for each other at this time with the prayer journal, but all the time. Christ tells us to pray without ceasing. I can pray while I'm walking to class, while I'm doing homework, and I can praise His name always!

So my new found challenge: PRAY! And really don't just stick with praying for the little things, but really open up your heart and pour it out to God. He's waiting...and He's always there...something that I still need to remind myself.

the giant bean!

2008-10-20T11:35:00.004-05:00

This is the bean. The giant bean in Chicago! I was just in Chicago this past weekend on a COR trip where we visited a parish, synagogue, russian orthodox church, mosque, hari krshna, commune, and african american catholic church. It was a good time to observe other religions, but it was sad at the same time just because these people are great people, but because they don't believe in salvation and a personal relationship with Christ, their efforts in a way are for nothing. So many people don't recognize the grace that Christ has given us.

Anyways, on our night off in the COLD city of Chicago we visited this giant bean. I just thought it was awesome! But it doesn't take much for me to get excited or to love something. That's the reflection of the city! How cool! It's just incredible to view that :)

God is good!

a relaxing weekend

2008-10-14T13:11:00.002-05:00

So I was blessed to be able to spend time this weekend with my mom and dad at home =D

No one back home knew I was going home. I did this because I just needed time to relax...just me and my parents. This time was sooo good.

Saturday I had a a few doctor's appointments, but in the midst of that my mom and I got to go to Old Towne, walk around a bit, and shop at Gap Outlet! Old Towne is such a cool place. We also went to Smoothie King (yummm!) and then came home to a delicious meal prepared by dad. He made us scallops! So good :) The rest of the night was spent playing games, in which dad pretty much dominated. It was not my lucky night! Sunday we went to church, ate Potbelly's at Burke Lake and went geocaching. It was pretty much like a treasure hunt with the GPS, it was a beautiful day so it was good to be at the lake! We then went to a pig roast (yes, the pig was lying there and we just went up and picked off meat!). After the roast, mom and dad had small group and I went shopping. Yesterday was the final day. We relaxed in the morning and then went shopping a little bit and visited the Pentagon Memorial-which was awesome. (I should get the pictures I took soon) After that we went and ate at McCormick and Shmick. And then to the airport :'( My parents are awesome~and so much fun! It was good to laugh with them :)

All in all it was a great weekend! Throughout the weekend, I found myself just seizing the moments and making the most of everything. I also thought about how much I've taken for granted in the past. But I can't dwell on the past at all. I need to hold on to every moment and live it out. I can't change how I acted in high school, the choices I've made, the things I've done. Right now, I can rest in the fact that God knows what he's doing. I'm not perfect and I never will be. I'm continuing to grow. My prayer is that I stay silent enough to hear the His voice. That I "be still and know that He is God"

be still.

so simple.

but challenging.

be still.

BTW-I'm watching 7th Heaven right now...it's on TV...it brings back memories. yes, I used to LOVE this show! My grammy loves it too =D

this is where I am

2008-10-07T14:00:00.002-05:00

So often I find myself wishing that I didn't have to do this or that, or that I was out of school already! Honestly, I've even thought about moving back home and going to community college there. Why? Because I miss my family, I miss what is familiar to me, and I feel like I could focus more on music. this semester has been harder than any other one. and at times I just want to give up. but I know I can't.

"Don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. LIVE and OBEY and LOVE and BELIEVE right there."

1 Corinthians 7:17

I know God has me here right now for a specific reason and purpose. Yes, it may be tough, but life isn't meant to be easy.

I'm growing.

I'm learning.

I'm leaning on Him and His strength to get me through everything

I challenge you [and myself]

Really dwell in where God has you at the moment.

Make the most of everything He has blessed you with!

God is holding on to you so tightly, and He's not letting go.

He knows what He's doing

family

2008-10-04T10:11:00.002-05:00

I love my family to pieces, and it's kind of a bummer that we're all so spread out. But sometimes I think that makes us even closer and the times when we're all together even more special.

My mom and dad are incredible and love to travel! I guess it's a good thing me and the brothers are all over.

Matt is my oldest brother, and quite crazy. We didn't get along very much when we were younger, but things are different now. I love talking to him on the phone. He's a pilot, and might possibly move down to Tennessee with his wife, Kristyn.

Kristyn is my sister-in-law, but I'd rather just call her my sister! She is extremely talented and takes amazing photos! I love reading her blog and talking to her about the everydays of life.

And David...David is my other older brother who is in New Zealand studying abroad right now. Let's just say, he's just an interesting one.

I love my siblings!

And now there's, Travis and Kathy Watson. I consider them part of my family - after all they did live in our house for a bit =P. These two are just so real. They have so much love and passion within them, and I look up to them both so much. I wish I was closer to their ministry, because I know God is doing some amazing things through that. They're two children, Nathan and Kailey are so precious, even though Kailey acts like she's 15!

Sometimes I find myself wishing I could rewind time and be sitting in my basement with my family watching football like we used to. Or playing games with my grandparents. Or going on our vacations. But unfortunately, we're all growing up...and things will really never be the same. We will never be the same. Which is glorious to be a part of-God is working!

the world we live in

2008-10-02T13:28:00.004-05:00

So...a good friend of mine - practically part of my family - Travis made a challenge on his blog (irrelevant) to look and observe the culture around us. the world in which we live. and notice God in the culture and how He is portrayed.

Well I took Travis up on the challenge, and I've really started to pay more attention to the world around me.

Now, sometimes I feel that I'm in a bubble while on a Christian campus, but the reality is that the world is still all around, and it's important to notice how God is portrayed even here at Greenville. we still watch TV, movies, listen to music.

So some things I noticed and found:

while watching BRAVO - a commercial for Christian Children's Fund

while watching August Rush - the little girl talks with her dad about God and how He is always watching over us

this got me...one of my roommates showed me the trailer for upcoming SAW V.

I was shocked at what I saw. The beginning music in the trailer is. get this...Be Thou My Vision (done kind of creepily) and while that song is playing they have words across the screen that say "He is righteous" "His love is Everlasting"

on facebook - this is a huge means of culture now. and i just noticed how lots of status' are about God giving strength, leaning on Him, praying, even Bible verses

I remember someone talking about their God-given talent

Some of the girls at the tumbling place I work for talked about going to youth group last night

Reading Socrates' in Philosophy class, it discusses the power of God

While just watching the food network channel, they had a gospel kids choir sing Amazing Grace on one of the shows

I'm still taking notice, especially over this weekend when I'll be more outside of this Greenville bubble. It's interesting to see how God is portrayed whether positive or negative.

"broken"

2008-09-30T11:19:00.003-05:00

broken

from the pieces

fallen from the sky

shattered

like the glass

in my eye

the puzzle fits together

through the one who carries me

no longer must i suffer

forever, i'm set free

i cannot go another step of this life

without Your strength

to carry me

i cannot breathe another air of this hope

unless i surrender

to my knees

hurting

like the pieces

fallen from the sky

i feel so alone

how will i get by

the puzzle fits together

through the one who carries me

no longer must i suffer

forever, i'm set free

i cannot go another step of this life

without Your strength

to carry me

i cannot breathe another air of this hope

unless i surrender

to my knees

the pocket change

2008-09-29T11:43:00.002-05:00

Okay. So every Monday in my Western Civilization class, my professor says a prayer with us and always talks about how much longer are we going to give 'pocket change' to God? It sounds a little corny and cliche in a way...but this idea has been on my heart.

So often I say

"I'm giving this or that to God"

am I really?

truly?

with all of ME?

I think sometimes I think. "Okay, I died to myself this morning-that's it for the day." But that is not true at all. We talk about daily surrender, but I think it is moment by moment surrender. I have to constantly pray for the Lord to consume all of me.

And when things aren't getting solved, it is not on God at all. I can't blame Him. He knows what He's doing. I think I'm just examining myself right now, and recognizing the sin and the pain and struggles in my life all because I can't completely give up myself.

"So I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned

In awe, of the One who gave it all

I'll stand my soul, Lord, to You surrendered

All I am is YOURS"

roller coaster

2008-09-25T10:00:00.003-05:00

Do you ever feel like you're on the roller coaster of life?

I do.

I feel like one day I'll be up and having a great day, and the next will be just so stressful and filled with worry and struggles. And that's when I'm not myself.

How do I get out of those valleys? I know that it's Satan's way of deceiving me and inching his way into destruction. I will NOT let him take hold, but still, it's hard!

I know that Christ is the only way I can be given that joy and strength, but it's not always there for me. It's always there, but it's a matter of me making a conscious effort for that joy from Him. I need to be in prayer more. I need to start my day off with Him...something I've strayed a bit from.

As much as a I say that the joy of the Lord is my strength, is it really?! With every moment? It's so much easier to say things then actually BE that and carry that out.

So today: if I start to complain, if I start to worry, if I start to just be down-I'm going to stop. Pray. and TRULY allow Christ to consume my thoughts and nothing else.

Now I know everything won't be perfect, the struggles and weaknesses are what make me stronger. But I am making a conscious effort to be all He has me to be!

jumping for joy!

2008-09-23T12:20:00.004-05:00

who knew jumping on a trampoline could be SO fun!

yes. that's what I did this past weekend. me and some friends drove a long way to chesterfield, MO. It was supposed to take 1 1/2 hours, but it took 2 1/2...we got a little lost. no worries! just a minor roadblock :)

so we got to SKYZONE and jumped for an hour and a half.

so tiring...but such a blast!

Here are some pictures! don't you just want to jump along?!

this is more of a fun post. But while jumping on the trampoline for a really long time, I really had no worries. I was just jumping and having so so much fun!

in a way it was an opportunity for me to be like a kid again and just jump and be carefree in a way.

i did a back and front flip! wooo.

i want to be like i was on sat night while jumping on that trampoline. i want to jump for joy ALL the time. i want that bubble and that smile to always be present.

i don't need a trampoline for that. i have Christ and that's all i/we need.

The joy of the Lord is my STRENGTH!

He is faithful!

2008-09-18T23:17:00.002-05:00

So tonight I led worship at VESPERS (which is our contemporary chapel service here at Greenville). I'll admit it, I was nervous. Why? I don't even know. Well I think because I wanted it to go a certain way, I wanted God to move, I wanted the songs to be ones that my fellow peers could give all of themselves. But man, right before we started tonight God really hit me upside the head.

I texted one of my good friends and told him that I was really nervous. And he texted me back saying: "Kelly. you're fine! You're not doing it for everyone or for you or for me, but for God who only cares if you offer your whole self and not how you perform."

--Thanks God!

This was a simple but important reminder that I can't make God move, I can't make anything go a certain way...it is all God! It's not me at all.

And let me tell you - God moved tonight! We did something we've never done at Vespers before. First off it was an all worship night. In the middle we all prayed. But it was a community prayer-everyone split up into small groups around them and lifted each other up in prayer. It was so great just to come together and pray for each other. That was followed by some reflective prayer. People were on their knees, crying, and just surrendering to God.

God is good.

And even in the midst of my struggles, fears, and roller coaster life, He is still moving and working through me and in the lives of those around me.

beauty

2008-09-16T09:42:00.004-05:00

I love the sky.

and Everything about it.

The clouds, especially can look sweet!

Here are some pictures that I took this summer while working at Pine Cove Christian camp in Tyler, Texas.

I look at these and am just in awe of the beauty that God has created not just in the sky, but all around us as well.

My brother wrote a book/story/something, I don't really know what to label it as...but I'm in the process of reading it and the last thing I read was about how everything is beautiful.

"How can you choose half of existence to enjoy and half to loathe and fear? Love it all! Embrace it all!" - from the brother.

Speaking of his book, it's a bit odd...but there is some good thoughtful stuff in there. I think it's good for me to read and challenge what I view and think compared to him. I'm doing that a lot lately with the classes I'm in (Christian thought and Philosophy) and I really enjoy digging deeper into they why's, how's, etc even if a direct answer may never come about.

Anyways...after my little tangent: bottom line, there is beauty all around =D