hawaii

i was in Hawaii a few weeks ago and let me tell you, it's gorgeous there!  I think that my favorite thing about it is the clouds.  Where we stayed it would be bright, sunny, blue sky, but behind us was the mountains.  And in the mountains you'd see storm clouds and rain.  It was really incredible.

I also got to go whale watching and I could see so much of the island.  Out on the ocean you could just see the different climate changes going on.  Having the mountains and ocean is definitely the best of both worlds.

This is a sunset picture from our room.  We had an amazing view of the ocean!  It's true about the colors in Hawaii=so pretty :)

anyways.  who wants to go back with me?!

the stand

so I absolutely love the lyrics to this song by Hillsong and thought I'd share it :)

Whenever I sing it/hear it, it immediately becomes my cry.

"So I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned

In awe of the One who gave it all

So I'll stand my soul, Lord, to YOU surrendered

All I am is YOURS"

What does this mean to me?

Well first of all heart abandoned.  Oh man...that's something that just hits me.  I have passions, I have feelings, I have desires, but to put that completely aside and give it to God-that's total surrender right there.  Am I there?  NO! (I wish!) but I certainly can try.  It's just the simple act of completely giving yourself to God.  

Someone mentioned to me that surrender can be thought of as sitting there hands out in front of you, with your palms facing up, that way God can take you just as you are and do as He chooses.  If your hands are clenched, there are then restrictions.  But that simple act of letting go and releasing your hands, upward to Him can give a little sense of freedom.

And then there's the simple words ALL I AM IS YOURS.  I find comfort in the fact that I am God's, nothing will ever change that.  But it's not just some of me, it's ALL of me.  And that's something I constantly need to remind myself.  It's so easy for me to give half-heartedly, but I'm still left with this emptiness and struggle, but if I just continually, minute by minute give up all of me to God-wouldn't life become somewhat easier?  

Just some thoughts...and footprints that have been left on my heart =)

--by the way. this is the 3rd time i think i've had these lyrics posted on here...they must mean something to me!  =P

champs!

here we go Steeler's, here we go!!!!!!!

YAAY.  Superbowl champs =D  What a fun game to watch!  I would love to put up pictures...but I have lost my connector thingy.  sigh.  hopefully i'll find it soon so i can put them up - especially the super cool 3D glasses one (even though the commercial was kind of lame). 

oh and apparently the harrison run back for a touchdown at the end of the 1st half is talked about being one of the greatest plays...wanna know where i was? yeah. i missed it.  i was in the bathroom...how lame, right?!  but i really had to go!!!

anyways...

isn't it funny though, how much hype and attention is put on the superbowl, and then it's over in a second.  already they critics and ESPN analysts are talking about what's going to happen next year.  can't you just take a break for a second, and dwell on the moment?!  i think as humans, we are always looking to the future and never stop to just sit and enjoy the glory all around us.  we're always trying looking to something else.  its like the saying "stop and smell the roses" (however cliche that may be). but seriously!  take a breath!

Happy February (even a day late!) <3

journal excerpt

So this blog, I've decided to actually take directly out of my journal - sorry if it's a little jumbled!

January 18, 2009

So dad and I are on our roadtrip on our way to get my stuff from Greenville.  I kind of have mixed feelings.  It's going to be sad to leave Greenville and all my friends, but I know this is what I need to do.  But then I think, is it really what I need to do, or have I just convinced myself of that?  It's kind of like my food choice.  I don't like fast food and won't eat it, but sometimes I think that I've more trained myself to not like it or eat it.  how do I know that my choice to stay home is truly from Christ and not my selfish desires or wants?  But it's not like I'm trying to escape Greenville, I'm choosing a path that's changing.  I know I'm seeking the Lord's will so as long as I continue to seek Him, I know that He will lead me.  How do I know I haven't convinced myself that I'm following Him, when in actuality I'm not?  I'm not saying that this is the case, but what if?  I guess that I need to rely on the truth and faith.  I can't doubt the truth that God has given and when it comes to decisions I need to stand firm on His truth and foundation.  

here it is

So it's been a few weeks since I've posted, and I guess you could say quite a bit has happened.

First.  I have made the decision to stay home this semester and take classes around here.  It wasn't completely a rash decision: I spent a lot of time over the break praying about what to do and where I felt God leading me.  

There are many reasons to my decision...this past semester at Greenville, I just wasn't has happy or loving it like I did last year.  I felt constricted and not challenged academically and even spiritually.  I've also thought about switching my major and just trying to figure out what I want to do.  There are other reasons too, but I really just feel like God has so much more in store for me and that this change will be a good thing for me.

With that being said, me being home won't be easy.  And I'm not just sitting at home doing nothing!  I really want to get involved in this area in ways I haven't before like in high school.  I'm going to be working a lot on my music, playing at venues, writing and more writing.  Also, I'm helping at IBC with the Jr. High and co-leading a small group.  It will be so easy for me to hide and not get out and do things, but I really want to use this time to my fullest ability.  I want God to teach me and to strengthen me and to use me!

So that's what's going on right now...

I'll keep updated on my progress :)

looking back

Soo.  It's almost the new year.  As I look back on this year I realize how much I've grown, been challenged, and strengthened.  Sometimes I wish that I did things differently, or that things could change.  But one thing I've realized is that God doesn't let things slide.  Every decision and event I've made in the past has been purposeful.  I don't want to regret anything, I want to continue to seek God and His will for my life.

There are going to be some difficult changes and decisions to make in the next few days for me, but I know that God isn't giving me more than I can handle.  He has a plan.  He has a way.  And as long as I'm seeking Him, that's really all I can do.

Now what do I want for this next year?

I've thought about resolutions, but that always seems so cliche sometimes.  I just want to continue to seize each day, and live it to the full potential God has blessed me with.  Whether it be playing the guitar more, writing more music, studying the Word, going out to town, working, whatever it may be!  I want to make the most of life!

so easy to say...so hard to do.

But anyways, I hope you all have a HAPPY NEW YEAR!

gingerbread house

soo. last night we had a gingerbread house making party/contest!

I didn't win anything...even though my house is AWESOME!

But it was so much fun!  I love this time of year =D and I LOVE being home!

this is my house

notice the ghetto door/window.

they called it a hooverville.

this was the ultimate winning house that mary and chris made.  

DONE!

YAAAAAAAAY! 

I'm officially done with this semester!!!

Maybe my eye will stop twitching...lol

It's such a relief...this semester has definitely been a tough one in so many ways.  But I know for a fact that God has used this semester to continue to strengthen me in Him.  He has me where I am right now for a reason.  I may not know what lies ahead, but I can rest in the fact that He knows.

I won't be home until Thursday, but maybe I can use these next few days to rest, reflect, and just dwell on Him.

I just gotta remember, God has a purpose for everything.  No matter what has happened or what is to come, God's got it under control :)

tis the season

So it's been a while.  But I've just been caught up in the hustle and bustle of finals and blaaah! 

It doesn't even feel like Christmas to me yet, which saddens me because I LOVE this time of year!  I love the lights, the music, the cheer =D  But when I think about it, I don't want my focus to be too much on the tangible things of the earth.  Just because it's Christmas, shouldn't be why I'm joyful.  I should always have the joy of Christ in me, you know!  

I have so many things to do the next few days...but I don't want to worry or get anxious because of all those things.  Christ calls us to not worry about tomorrow and receive the peace that he has placed in our hearts.  

My eye has been twitching since Sunday.  And I think it's because I'm stressed/tired (random, I know), so instead of freaking out about everything.  I'm going to take it one step at a time.  Focus on my peace and joy in Him.  That is what truly will give me a calm and a satisfaction.

Anyways, next time you start to get anxious or overwhelmed.  Just pray!  He will give you a peace that surpasses all understanding.

Now on to my to-do list...

used books

so I discovered this used bookstore a few blocks from campus and there are TONS of books!

with that being said.

if you have any book wishes, let me know!

there are some classics too :)

backkk

a tease.  that's how i feel my thanksgiving break was!  It was too short!  and i certainly wasn't ready to come back to school.

but here i am...sitting. in good ol' greenville, illinois - aka the middle of nowhere!

i had such a great time at home.  i love my family, i love my friends, and i just love the comfort there.

but God has called me here for a reason and i know that!

i've got 2 1/2 more weeks left of the semester (crazy!) and then a nice relaxing winter break.  i know i say i don't like looking toward something and living for the moment, and i don't...but i just feel like thats the way i live so often.  i need to really just focus on the moment by moment and the here and now and what God is saying to me now!

OH!  one more thing:  my devo today was on worship.  but not just worship in music but in all that we do.  being a walking worshipper.  i want to be a light for Christ in all that i do and bring Him the ultimate glory.  i challenge you to be a WALKING WORSHIPPER

P.S - Christmas music can officially be played now!!! =D

thanksgiving!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!! 

What are you thankful for?!

Here's just a few of mine:

*my wonderful family!

*humor

*music

*forgiveness

*struggles

*triumph

*EVERYTHING!

And I'm SO thankful that I'm home =D  It's so great being around my family and with some of my closest friends.  God is good!

I hope you all have a wonderful day filled with quality time with those you love!

take it slow

There's so much going on in life.

In all our lives.  and it can get pretty hectic and crazy.

I know I worry too much about what will come next.  What about the future?  What about next week?

Sometimes I just need to sit and let Christ's peace rule me.  And not my own stress.  I let so many things in this world rule over me when I really should let Christ completely consume me.  He is stronger than any sin and struggle going on.

Sometimes we just need to sit and be still.  His peace, His love, His grace, His mercy will fulfill any and all my needs.

Colossians 3 is some great stuff!  Read it =D

habits

Do you find yourself getting into habits easily?

How you eat, how you wake up, what you watch, when you do certain things, the number of times you do things, how you spend your time, what you even say?!

Some things I've noticed in myself:

When someone asks how I am, I always say I'm good.  Even if I'm not.

When I wake up in the morning I turn on my computer.

I check my phone often for messages or calls.

I like to do things in odd numbers (like eat 1 or 3 cookies, not 2...weird I know)

Checking my e-mail (and facebook, but not right now!)

Even how I fall asleep-like the way I lay down!

Watching TV at a certain time

While some habits may be good, I feel like it can really consume us too much.  We become too focused on doing things a certain way.  What happens when it doesn't go that way?  I want to focus my energy on the good habits.  Like waking up in prayer, and doing my devotions.

I think what is more important, however, is how we respond when these habits are broken, or when things don't go the way we're used to during the day.  I am consciously making an effort to do things differently, to kind of mix it up a little.  

I feel like I've given up one of my habits - facebook, but I've replaced it with other habits.  Some good, like doing my devotions - but I still find myself consuming my time on my computer or the TV when I could be doing other things.

I really want to make the most out of every day.

Do I, though?

Instead of just sitting back and letting life go by, i want to be actively involved in life and how Christ is to be glorified.

What are your thoughts?

stand alive

Do you sometimes feel like you're at a standstill?

Like you're caught in the middle of everything.

You're here, but you're not...if that makes sense.

Sometimes I feel that I'm physically here but my mind just wanders when I'm hanging out with people.  I don't know...

Do I analyze things too much?

I think that I do.

But how do you change that?

And how do you draw that line?

I know that God has designed me specifically the way I am.  I know He has brought me to the point at where I am today for a reason.  But sometimes I wish I could go back to certain moments, or certain ways I acted and viewed life - more like a child like faith I guess.  It's weird, because I want to grow up...but at the same time, the more I do the harder it becomes and the more struggles and problems I tend to encounter.

BUT at the same time, the older I get, the more equipped I am to follow God and His will for me.

I am called to die to myself; to the excuses I make; to the wants I have; to worldly perfection I seek; to the attitude I have sometimes.

I pray that God would be alive in me!

bungee jumping

my dad and brother are bungee jumping right now. as i type this. in new zealand!

crazy, huh?!

gotta love them!

my big brother is a poop

I didn't say it, my sister-in-law did!

haha I love my big brother :)

but seriously.  Matt and Kristyn are moving to Nashville AS WE SPEAK! (or read)--pray for them!  And they're passing through Illinois, and they aren't stopping to see me!  I know I know.  I guilt tripped Matt last night...and it didn't work.  I wish I could see them but I understand they have to get to Nashville at a certain time (booo)  I would've bought them lunch too!  Oh well.

I actually told Matt to come by Greenville and pick me up and take me to Nashville with them.  I'm SO excited for them!  I just think its so exciting to be moving to a new place.  Scary, yes.  But so exciting to get their own place, decorate however, and really get grounded in a new community!  I can't wait :)

but I can't grow up too fast...even though I sometimes wish it

Kristyn and Matt-you better be ready to see your sister, I'm gonna be visiting!

With that being said.

It's rainy and cold today...but it will be a glorious day that God has given us!

I've started a Bible study called "A Call To Die"  where I'm fasting from something for a specific amount of time and replacing that with prayer, devotion, time with God, and music (I added that one).  It's been 2 days so far, but I'm doing this with one of my campers this summer who is like my little sister.  I know this is going to be a great growing time as I deny the things of this world (try to) and really focus on Christ and His work in my life.  It's all about Him!  I'll keep you updated with how I'm doing with the devotional, so far I'm doing good.

I'm starting to write music more too! YAY =D

ALSO-today is Veteran's day.

God bless America and those who have served and are still serving our country!

gas

I took this picture over the weekend on my way to my roommate's house.

This is at some small town in Illinois.

I thought of my fellow Virginians back home.  :)

I bet ya haven't seen it this cheap! (I really have no idea...but here ya go!)

what to doo

So I woke up at 6AM this morning.

Why?

Who knows!

But I don't have a class until 10:30...so what did I do for a few hours?

Well I woke up to find one of my pod mates still awake...she hadn't gone to bed yet!  Crazy, huh?  I then sat, got on my computer, wrote some e-mails, watched some Saved By The Bell, caught up with some people, took a long shower, got ready.  This was all before 9:00.

At 9:15 I went and got my allergy shot and on my way walking there something hit me.  I woke up so early this morning for no reason.  And what did I do?  I did random stuff.  What could I have done?  I could've had some good quality time with my creator.  I did read a devotion, but it wasn't complete silence with me and God.

So when I got back from my shot, I took out my Bible and read.  And prayed.

I want, I need to manage my time better.  God's given me that time, and I ignore it.  So my desire is to really grow in Christ, but I can only do that if I stop wasting my time with other things.  

Here's what I read this morning:

Psalm 61 (look it up!)

and

2 Corinthians 1 (some good stuff there!)

habakkuk

So a good friend of mine recommended to me a podcast from his church up in northern IL.  There are 3 sermons on the book of Habakkuk and I just finished listening to the first one.

I really enjoyed it and it challenged me to really embrace God.

We are to embrace God in everything and all that we do.  And it also challenges to wrestle with God.  Not at Him, but with Him.  Through this I can truly sense His grip in my life.

One thing that I've thought about is that it is OK to question God and it's ok to be upset.  But we still need to embrace God and bring our questions and worries and fears to Him.  Through that we can come to know Him more and grow in relationship with Him.

Habakkuk begins his book by embracing/questioning God, then moves to wrestling with Him, and then ends with praise.

How often to I end with praise?  Not enough.

I'm growing

I'm learning

I'm gripped by the best hand of all

PS-I wrote another song yesterday =D