heart abandoned

it's been a while since I've updated.

and honestly, I can't think of anything to write right now...except for these lyrics to a song that have really become a true cry and prayer of my heart.

So I'll stand, with arms high and heart abandoned

In awe of the One who gave it all

So I'll stand

My soul Lord to You surrendered

All I am IS YOURS

surrender your whole self. not daily, but moment by moment. 

I know God has so much in store, but how often am I in the way?

expectations

I was thinking last night.  And I wonder if I expect too much from people.

*Now before I continue with this, please don't get offended by anything I write.  It is really thoughts just going through my mind that I want to try and sort through.  Nothing against anyone!  And I don't think of myself as above anyone either.*

Where to begin...well I guess with saying that I love reaching out to others; my friends, my family and anyone in need.  I believe strongly in community and lifting each other up in prayer, in being honest with each other (without fear of judgement), and in all around Godly fellowship.  Pine Cove Christian Camps = excellent example of community.  Now before camp, I would find myself helping others, but really struggling to receive that same help.  Through camp, I really learned the importance of helping each other and being vulnerable with each other - it's what God calls us to be and do.

since being back at school, though, things haven't been quite the same.  I'm at the same point where I love reaching out and helping others, but I'm not getting that in return.  But should I really expect it?

Not everyone has the same mindset that I do to reach out and lift each other up, which is okay.  

But I still find myself waiting for someone to just sit alongside me, put their arm around me, and pray.

Last night at Vespers, there was a lot of community and surrender and it was great.  I was sitting toward the back and I saw friend after friend sit around each other, giving hugs and just being there.  I wanted that. (Is it wrong to want that).  I know that God is there for me, but still...

I'm struggling, yes.  Along with everyone else.  But isn't it easier to overcome these struggles together?  I find myself alone at college, especially in my struggle...one in particular.

Should I expect someone to come alongside of me if they don't know what's going on?  But then again, some people do, and they're still not reaching out.  Is that wrong of me?

Now again, I'm not writing this to condemn anyone, or even for people to feel sorry for me.  DONT!  I've got my Heavenly Father with me always :)

I just have been thinking a lot about that, and the expectations I put on people that I don't think I should.

just being real.

just being honest.

Quote

I'm reading C.S Lewis' Mere Christianity for one of my classes and this was the last paragraph to one of the chapters I just read.

"If Christianity was something we were making up, of course we could make it easier.  But it is not.  We cannot compete, in simplicity, with people who are inventing religions.  How could we?  We are dealing with Fact.  Of course anyone can be simple if he has no facts to bother about."

prayer

Prayer is an amazing thing.

Especially prayer for each other.

Do you ever find yourself saying "I'll be praying for you!", and you don't?!  I know I have.  But it's something I'm working on.

God has really pushed on my heart recently the power of community and the power of prayer in that community.  I truly believe that prayer does make a difference!  And honestly, when I ask someone to pray for me, I'd really hope that they would if they said they would!  So that's what I'm doing.  I have a prayer journal and I write down any and all prayer requests so I can be reminded to pray for them all!

--It actually reminds me of little Kailey who has a prayer journal :)  I wish I took her idea sooner!

Then I want to mention not just praying for each other at this time with the prayer journal, but all the time.  Christ tells us to pray without ceasing.  I can pray while I'm walking to class, while I'm doing homework, and I can praise His name always!

So my new found challenge: PRAY!  And really don't just stick with praying for the little things, but really open up your heart and pour it out to God.  He's waiting...and He's always there...something that I still need to remind myself.

the giant bean!

This is the bean.  The giant bean in Chicago!  I was just in Chicago this past weekend on a COR trip where we visited a parish, synagogue, russian orthodox church, mosque, hari krshna, commune, and african american catholic church.  It was a good time to observe other religions, but it was sad at the same time just because these people are great people, but because they don't believe in salvation and a personal relationship with Christ, their efforts in a way are for nothing.  So many people don't recognize the grace that Christ has given us.

Anyways, on our night off in the COLD city of Chicago we visited this giant bean.  I just thought it was awesome!  But it doesn't take much for me to get excited or to love something.  That's the reflection of the city!  How cool!  It's just incredible to view that :)

God is good!

a relaxing weekend

So I was blessed to be able to spend time this weekend with my mom and dad at home =D  

No one back home knew I was going home.  I did this because I just needed time to relax...just me and my parents.  This time was sooo good.

Saturday I had a a few doctor's appointments, but in the midst of that my mom and I got to go to Old Towne, walk around a bit, and shop at Gap Outlet!  Old Towne is such a cool place.  We also went to Smoothie King (yummm!) and then came home to a delicious meal prepared by dad.  He made us scallops!  So good :)  The rest of the night was spent playing games, in which dad pretty much dominated.  It was not my lucky night!  Sunday we went to church, ate Potbelly's at Burke Lake and went geocaching.  It was pretty much like a treasure hunt with the GPS, it was a beautiful day so it was good to be at the lake!  We then went to a pig roast (yes, the pig was lying there and we just went up and picked off meat!).  After the roast, mom and dad had small group and I went shopping.  Yesterday was the final day.  We relaxed in the morning and then went shopping a little bit and visited the Pentagon Memorial-which was awesome.  (I should get the pictures I took soon)  After that we went and ate at McCormick and Shmick.  And then to the airport :'(  My parents are awesome~and so much fun!  It was good to laugh with them :)

All in all it was a great weekend!  Throughout the weekend, I found myself just seizing the moments and making the most of everything.  I also thought about how much I've taken for granted in the past.  But I can't dwell on the past at all.  I need to hold on to every moment and live it out.   I can't change how I acted in high school, the choices I've made, the things I've done.  Right now, I can rest in the fact that God knows what he's doing.  I'm not perfect and I never will be.  I'm continuing to grow. My prayer is that I stay silent enough to hear the His voice.  That I "be still and know that He is God"  

be still.

so simple. 

but challenging.

be still. 

BTW-I'm watching 7th Heaven right now...it's on TV...it brings back memories.  yes, I used to LOVE this show!  My grammy loves it too =D

this is where I am

So often I find myself wishing that I didn't have to do this or that, or that I was out of school already!  Honestly, I've even thought about moving back home and going to community college there.  Why?  Because I miss my family, I miss what is familiar to me, and I feel like I could focus more on music.  this semester has been harder than any other one.  and at times I just want to give up.  but I know I can't.  

"Don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else.  Where you are right now is God's place for you.  LIVE and OBEY and LOVE and BELIEVE right there."

1 Corinthians 7:17

I know God has me here right now for a specific reason and purpose.  Yes, it may be tough, but life isn't meant to be easy. 

I'm growing.

I'm learning.

I'm leaning on Him and His strength to get me through everything

I challenge you [and myself]  

Really dwell in where God has you at the moment.

Make the most of everything He has blessed you with!

God is holding on to you so tightly, and He's not letting go.

He knows what He's doing

family

I love my family to pieces, and it's kind of a bummer that we're all so spread out.  But sometimes I think that makes us even closer and the times when we're all together even more special.

My mom and dad are incredible and love to travel!  I guess it's a good thing me and the brothers are all over.

Matt is my oldest brother, and quite crazy.  We didn't get along very much when we were younger, but things are different now.  I love talking to him on the phone.  He's a pilot, and might possibly move down to Tennessee with his wife, Kristyn.

Kristyn is my sister-in-law, but I'd rather just call her my sister!  She is extremely talented and takes amazing photos!  I love reading her blog and talking to her about the everydays of life.

And David...David is my other older brother who is in New Zealand studying abroad right now.  Let's just say, he's just an interesting one.

I love my siblings!

And now there's, Travis and Kathy Watson.  I consider them part of my family - after all they did live in our house for a bit =P.  These two are just so real.  They have so much love and passion within them, and I look up to them both so much.  I wish I was closer to their ministry, because I know God is doing some amazing things through that.  They're two children, Nathan and Kailey are so precious, even though Kailey acts like she's 15!

Sometimes I find myself wishing I could rewind time and be sitting in my basement with my family watching football like we used to.  Or playing games with my grandparents.  Or going on our vacations.  But unfortunately, we're all growing up...and things will really never be the same.  We will never be the same.  Which is glorious to be a part of-God is working!

the world we live in

So...a good friend of mine - practically part of my family - Travis made a challenge on his blog (irrelevant) to look and observe the culture around us. the world in which we live.  and notice God in the culture and how He is portrayed.

Well I took Travis up on the challenge, and I've really started to pay more attention to the world around me.

Now, sometimes I feel that I'm in a bubble while on a Christian campus, but the reality is that the world is still all around, and it's important to notice how God is portrayed even here at Greenville.  we still watch TV, movies, listen to music.

So some things I noticed and found:

while watching BRAVO - a commercial for Christian Children's Fund

while watching August Rush - the little girl talks with her dad about God and how He is always watching over us

this got me...one of my roommates showed me the trailer for upcoming SAW V.

I was shocked at what I saw.  The beginning music in the trailer is. get this...Be Thou My Vision (done kind of creepily) and while that song is playing they have words across the screen that say "He is righteous" "His love is Everlasting"

on facebook - this is a huge means of culture now.  and i just noticed how lots of status' are about God giving strength, leaning on Him, praying, even Bible verses

I remember someone talking about their God-given talent

Some of the girls at the tumbling place I work for talked about going to youth group last night

Reading Socrates' in Philosophy class, it discusses the power of God

While just watching the food network channel, they had a gospel kids choir sing Amazing Grace on one of the shows

I'm still taking notice, especially over this weekend when I'll be more outside of this Greenville bubble.  It's interesting to see how God is portrayed whether positive or negative.